Pagan In The Workplace

Its amazing to me that I'm finally able to call myself an employed Pagan, able to finally document my experiences in the workplace. Though nothing really shocking has happened to me, I'm happy none the less. I do however find it a bit odd being the ONLY Pagan in my entire workplace, it isn't something that I came in not knowing, afterall there primarily Christians or Muslims where I live. Not that its bad, just that I feel the usual loneliness that comes with being in a small faith where practitioners are few and far between physically speaking. Beyond that comes the usual weariness when you have people able to proudly wear their crosses, hijabs and turbans, yet you feel nervous or even scared to walk in the building wearing your pentagram. It sucks but comes with the territory, there are those who will proudly wear it without fear but I am sadly not one of those brave hearts. Lets be honest, if I were to do that I could very well be opening myself up for harassment and the normal rough and tumble bs from outsiders. Even if I didn't have to deal with that there would be the questions of why I believe what I believe, why did I leave Christianity in favor of the pagan banner, you know, the usual. Telling the reason why I left would just have them bring out the knives since my issues with Christianity would likely rouse the anger within them. Its different when I'm at school (when I went to school) where I didn't have a care in the world since I didn't give a care what others thought or said. Now I have to be careful since now we're talking about money and my livelihood, not like my mother will ever give me cash to go pick up some candles for this year's Yule or anything not Christian.

In addition, I don't want to have the horror story I had in high-school with administrators actively harassing me with little end until I left. I could easily just leave for another job, but Why kick the hornet's nest when you can safely walk past it? On occasion I have considered of walking in there donning the Seal when I didn't have work to just express my pride, but let's be real, that's kicking the nest. Perhaps that doesn't make me a good Pagan, but sometimes you have to know when to act and when to stay silence. There's a fine line between being brave and bold and being a complete idiot, for me, walking in my Christian stronghold of a workplace would create more of a headache than I want, which is why I don't even wear my crystals when I'm there.

If you think about it one could consider Muslims and how they wear the hijab post 9/11, they know the issues they would face yet they do it anyway knowing the risks. Perhaps by bending to the ignorant forces around me I'm showing cowardice to my faith and in turn disrespecting Divinity in spirit. It's an issue I've struggled with for years so please don't mind the babbling, its just that it makes me nervous thinking of this. Consider if the hive got pissed, since I work in retail and just so happen to have anger issues I'm already having issues. But no, let me tell you how bad it is for me on a pride basis. I'm a five year highly prideful Pagan that has to work in a 'Christian' stronghold in the retail industry who happens to distrust Christianity (because of my plethora of bad experiences) and happens to have anger issues--oh frigging joy, lol. With my share of bad experiences I have no issue invalidating any militant Christians I happen to find along the way, but doing that would mean putting my job at risk because of the ignorant piece a pies that shop where I work. And since the customer is always right [wrong] I must endure hiding in the shadows for now..

To compensate that obvious fact I've taken into consideration just having a small pentagram charm to wear on my person. The point of faith is not to show it to the world but to be one with it and at peace, so that is something I'm certainly going to try. To have the Seal (I'll explain why I capitalize it in a later post) on me so I can touch it, feel it and be at peace when in contact with it. I'm currently trying to merge my spiritual self with my everyday self so it could be a great second step (the first being me wearing my pentagram in public when not at work). Being that I love wearing jewelry such as necklaces I'll probably wear it as a simple bracelet to attatch to my belt loop and touch when I need a reminder of my blessings from the Divine. It'll help, and I already have in mind what to order so that I can do it safely and without issue.

If I'm somehow found out, which isn't hard so long as someone decides to research the days that I take off work, I won't fret, not as if I'm blasting my faith to the world (Actually I am since I do have this faith blog of mine, lol). Whatever happens happens, I'll just keep my head up, keep my faith, and walk proudly on my Pagan path.

What Holiday Is In November?

So my manager finally asked the question I was dreading for so long,"What holiday is in November?"

Seems like an innocent question, right? In many respects it is, but to a Pagan who like many is suspicious and weary of those of different faiths- primarily Abrahamic faiths since its harassment galore with some in that faction- its not. We were in the managers' office with me and her sitting down opposite one another discussing my requested days off. As with the day I took off for Mabon and Samhain, which my manager lost in his usual busy haste, I expected no issue when I turned in *again* the request to take November 1st off.

As soon as I saw her squint in confusion at the date I knew I had a situation on my hands. "Mmm, November? What religion is that for?"

Immediately I was going to go ahead and say the reveration of the ancestors, celebration of the dead, thankfulness for all we have...but I'd be wrong. She asked what religion that was for, we didn't get to the meaning yet.

A flash through my head, 'should I tell her that I'm Pagan?' Then my mind snaps back to the time where she said a few weeks ago how she's trying to stop cursing to get closer to her Christian faith. Innocent enough, but still my paranoid red flags start waving, then I think about my present situation. I'm in my very first job surrounded by people I don't even know, people very well (though I have little proof) may gossip every now and again. Do I really want to hear whispers in the dark about DeShadara being Pagan? Do I really want someone to get pissed via their religious convictions to start the bullshit? Or if someone gets angry someday to look up pagan and come to my job with lies and ignorance being railed against me?

Again, let me stress that I don't know these people, they don't need to know my faith, they just need to respect it.

"I'd rather keep that private." She now thinks I'm just wanting a day off under two months from now for the hell of it, but that's okay because she puts in the request anyway, approved.

Even though that's all over, I still have to put in another holiday, Yule, and before that even happens I still may get the question of what exactly my faith is. By no means am I afraid of the question, I already know that if pressed I'll stone wall them and respectfully ask that they leave the issue alone. I've gone through a lot worse than someone being innocently curious, though the fact that I work with Christians and Muslims who may be -could be- like ones I've had to stare down online, at school and even in my own home makes me wary.

I don't like problems, and I know I'm grasping at strings at this point, but I'm pessimistic, I always think about the worst first.