Evening Prayer

I now prepare to fall into the darkness of my dreams.
Bearing witness to mindless thoughts and feelings within me.
I call upon the Goddess ruler of the darkened sky.
To bless me with a charm to stand the wounds that lay inside.


Pain and guilt, anger, hate I cast into the hand.
Of the Goddess beyond the brink of the hori-zon.
May she cast away that which seeks to harm me.
And bring an illusioned world with happiness in bounty.


To dark-ness I now descend with sleep upon my eye.
And seek to rest relenting to the ripening slumber inside.
Farewell I say upon the name of the Sun Lord.
As we descend into the reign of the spirits' hold

Spiritual Upgrade

After much time wishing for an opportunity to change my humble ritual area into something more akin to my old one I finally got the chance. Yesturday I was actually able to find a piece of construction board that I can use as an altar table and a few tree trunks from my old ritual area to construct a full ritual space. There are just a few adjustments I need to make, but once a few key details are taken care of then I will be ready to consecrate the space in the name of the Divine.

I'm not going to love doing that dedication ritual being that it involves invoking all eleven core aspects of the Divine. I thought that if I'm going to take the time out to go ahead with blessing a space that it should be done with Deity in full audience. From each aspect I plan to ask for a specific thing that each aspect represents. It'll take a long time, but in the end I believe its worth it since its for the right cause. I remember the last time I did this a while back ago after I redid the elemental directions in my space, it took two and a half hours to do and was extremely exhausting physically and mentally. I had to constantly ground myself again and again and eventually was able to complete it. I expect the same thing to happen this time so hopefully my meditative skills have improved the past year or so since last I did it. Once its reblessed and I'm able to actually call my new space a blessed space I was wanting to decorate it a bit. The last time I did that my stuff was destroyed by some neighborhood idiots, which makes me iffy about doing it. A better thing in my opinion would be to engineer a type of tool that will allow me to have everything posted so high up that it would be next to impossible for any idiots to screw up my things for their own twisted enjoyment.

I pray that everything goes good, with the woods in my area being encroached upon and destroyed, its only a matter of time before I won't have an outside area dedicated to worship. I'll leave that for another post, but for now all I can do is hope and pray. As of right now everything is coming together, the board that will serve as my altar is next to the space and its support beams are nearly there as well. I just need to buy a hand saw to cut the long board in half so that it won't take up unnecessary space. Once that is complete I just need to clean up the area, widen the stone circle around it, and get to making that altar. I'm happy that I'm so close to making another one as I feel each move I'm forced to do brings out my resolve to live my religious life as I see fit. Admittedly I don't like having to constantly move, but since its something that can't be helped for the time being I may as well adapt and keep strong.

When everything comes together I will a dedicated holy site where prayers, rituals, and acts of divine worship will be more common place. Especially with the growing dark year, which is my favorite time of year, I'll be glowing amongst the darkness of the space. Illuminated by candlelight, saying prayers and worshipping the deities that gave rise to this wonderful green earth. To the skies above and earth below, green around and fire within I will honor all aspects of all creation of all the Divine.

Pagan In The Workplace

Its amazing to me that I'm finally able to call myself an employed Pagan, able to finally document my experiences in the workplace. Though nothing really shocking has happened to me, I'm happy none the less. I do however find it a bit odd being the ONLY Pagan in my entire workplace, it isn't something that I came in not knowing, afterall there primarily Christians or Muslims where I live. Not that its bad, just that I feel the usual loneliness that comes with being in a small faith where practitioners are few and far between physically speaking. Beyond that comes the usual weariness when you have people able to proudly wear their crosses, hijabs and turbans, yet you feel nervous or even scared to walk in the building wearing your pentagram. It sucks but comes with the territory, there are those who will proudly wear it without fear but I am sadly not one of those brave hearts. Lets be honest, if I were to do that I could very well be opening myself up for harassment and the normal rough and tumble bs from outsiders. Even if I didn't have to deal with that there would be the questions of why I believe what I believe, why did I leave Christianity in favor of the pagan banner, you know, the usual. Telling the reason why I left would just have them bring out the knives since my issues with Christianity would likely rouse the anger within them. Its different when I'm at school (when I went to school) where I didn't have a care in the world since I didn't give a care what others thought or said. Now I have to be careful since now we're talking about money and my livelihood, not like my mother will ever give me cash to go pick up some candles for this year's Yule or anything not Christian.

In addition, I don't want to have the horror story I had in high-school with administrators actively harassing me with little end until I left. I could easily just leave for another job, but Why kick the hornet's nest when you can safely walk past it? On occasion I have considered of walking in there donning the Seal when I didn't have work to just express my pride, but let's be real, that's kicking the nest. Perhaps that doesn't make me a good Pagan, but sometimes you have to know when to act and when to stay silence. There's a fine line between being brave and bold and being a complete idiot, for me, walking in my Christian stronghold of a workplace would create more of a headache than I want, which is why I don't even wear my crystals when I'm there.

If you think about it one could consider Muslims and how they wear the hijab post 9/11, they know the issues they would face yet they do it anyway knowing the risks. Perhaps by bending to the ignorant forces around me I'm showing cowardice to my faith and in turn disrespecting Divinity in spirit. It's an issue I've struggled with for years so please don't mind the babbling, its just that it makes me nervous thinking of this. Consider if the hive got pissed, since I work in retail and just so happen to have anger issues I'm already having issues. But no, let me tell you how bad it is for me on a pride basis. I'm a five year highly prideful Pagan that has to work in a 'Christian' stronghold in the retail industry who happens to distrust Christianity (because of my plethora of bad experiences) and happens to have anger issues--oh frigging joy, lol. With my share of bad experiences I have no issue invalidating any militant Christians I happen to find along the way, but doing that would mean putting my job at risk because of the ignorant piece a pies that shop where I work. And since the customer is always right [wrong] I must endure hiding in the shadows for now..

To compensate that obvious fact I've taken into consideration just having a small pentagram charm to wear on my person. The point of faith is not to show it to the world but to be one with it and at peace, so that is something I'm certainly going to try. To have the Seal (I'll explain why I capitalize it in a later post) on me so I can touch it, feel it and be at peace when in contact with it. I'm currently trying to merge my spiritual self with my everyday self so it could be a great second step (the first being me wearing my pentagram in public when not at work). Being that I love wearing jewelry such as necklaces I'll probably wear it as a simple bracelet to attatch to my belt loop and touch when I need a reminder of my blessings from the Divine. It'll help, and I already have in mind what to order so that I can do it safely and without issue.

If I'm somehow found out, which isn't hard so long as someone decides to research the days that I take off work, I won't fret, not as if I'm blasting my faith to the world (Actually I am since I do have this faith blog of mine, lol). Whatever happens happens, I'll just keep my head up, keep my faith, and walk proudly on my Pagan path.

Pagan Fundamentalism

Its only a matter of time before people of the faith begin to divide themselves further than they already have in the past generations. One thing that always struck a chord with me pertains to the rise of fundamentalism seen in every faith; those who wish to go back to the roots of their faith and in some ways resist the modern perception and teachings of it. All in all it can be good, but as we see on a weekly basis on the news, it can lead to destructive change that can seriously slander a faith [Afghanistan War]. So as it concerns Paganism, could this change to ecological conservatism be a good or bad thing?

**Note: I realize that not all of Pagan teaching deals with the environment, its simply that specific aspect of covering now.**

Think about if there were people protesting the construction of Wal*Mart, or pressuring local officials to slow down the development of condominiums in a neighborhood, all in the name of the environment. I would personally applaud such things being that I grew up in a state known more for its rural pleasantries opposed to bustling city buzz. Shooting off from development and expanding into everyday life, imagine where there was a large religious movement within industrial nation concerning global warming, use of animals in pharmaceuticals, etc? In my mind it would be an oh so grand occurance, but should this happen? Lets not forget the fact that many of our nature based beliefs steer away from economic development. Use of oil and gas (global warming), further building of industry and modern housing complexes (deforestation), ""modern"" (heavy quotes intentional) farming (water, soil, food pollution-pesticide use-) In many ways we are quite decentralists and would be the bane of those who promote current economic trends and ventures.

This isn't even bad because as far as I can tell its something that allows for a conversation on the very fabric of what our economy is based upon and asks that it be more health-concious. The way many of our nations do business is killing everyone on this little marble and we're only provided one planet that we can't even care for. We as a faith may care for it, but I feel that many of us, including me, do so little to protect it that its essentially a slap in the face of nature. I understand that they're many things holding us back and that none of us eco-Pagans don't want to harm the planet as we do now, but something has got to give. The sentiment is nice and much appreciated by the Mother but we should back it up with action. I don't mean that we become militant but that we realize the roots of the faith we have and do something. This hails back to Pagan fundamentalism because I feel as if many of us who are in large part young folks with little money to speak of are primarily talk with little action. If it comes to posting about saving the environment on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube or Instagram we're all for it, but when the calling comes I feel that many of us grow silent for our own reasons.

They're plenty of us who are under the radar for example and have little if any hopes of fully showing who we are faith wise, some live under the threat of homelessness if they were revealed or being ostracized by their family. I understand this, but for those who don't live under this sword the reasons for inaction become inexcusable and contrary to their faith. Anyone can call hypocrite on me saying how I'm doing nothing, but I have plans of getting into government to change things myself with the help of the people. The reasons for it are religious and secular and quite time consuming, but I have a video here that explains my plans for changing the way we do things as a nation. Right now I believe we are modern eco-Pagans, off shoots that are just as valid as those who are more outspoken and committed in their faith but without the aspect that allows us to be more heard from an ecological and economical standpoint. I admit I could always be wrong, but for now that is my thought.

Our way of thinking in the political/religious realm could change our respective countries for the better if we were to rise up and start fighting tlfor the change that we want to see in the world. It could also be tragic if it is taken too far and could hinder millions and slander our name if not used with a heaping helping of balance and knowledge to keep is in check. Us being children of the technological age restricts and helps us in many ways if we would just stand up and fight and not lie down. It takes a hint of militarism, but not the violent kind we see some dedicants practicing, but a peaceful one that shines a mirror in the face of those who would debate otherwise. I believe that the best way for us to get on the pedestal is to be peaceful protestors and not the zealots we see everyday by circus news stations that promote faux news.

Acting soon, swiftly, and with plenty of sense could win us and the Mother and Father plenty if we just rake the helm before us and start marching in the name of the Divine.

Rise Of The Dark Gods

Just went through two rituals within the past two weeks and already I have to worry about Samhain?? Goodness, the Gods are working hard this dark year!

In any case, in a little under three weeks and a day I will be celebrating Samhain, the day where the darkness, life, and death are celebrated. For my stand alone tradition it is also the time where the Dark Gods are honored. In Mabon they were given form, a duality with next to no strength representing the two primary energies of the upcoming season, death and darkness. The Night Goddess taking her place upon the throne of the sky, the seat where the Sun God once reigned during his heyday in the light year. The Death God being the active force that responds in concert with the waning light, smiting all that do not have the strength to resist.

Even for those that have the strength to live they are plunged into the cold grip of the duality, learning the lessons that come with being blanketed with a black veil. With the freeze they learn to be thankful for their possessions, with the warmth they are thankful for the home, the family that they have and the peace that they give. As they enjoy the secularized religious holidays they are appreciative of the hard work and dedication it takes to be prosperous. It is a time where I personally enjoy my life and reflect on its progression up until now. To honor the roots of my existence and pay reverance to those who came before and shaped the very foundation of my existence. It is also a time to embrace the darkness and plunge in the cold, developing a new practice and sense of identity through the hard lessons taught. To not only look at darker aspects of the faith and of nature, but to accept and implement them in future practices.

For me Samhain is not The Witch's New Year as it is for many other witches, Wiccans, and Pagans, it is yet another holiday like any other. For me, the new year comes during Ostara, the vernal equinox, which is the first of Spring. I believe this because it is the time after the cold where the foundation of rest and spirituality is at its highest. From the groundwork laid in the dark half the light signals the rise of a new time and place within life, the arrival of warmth. Its just like when autumn trees drop their leaves to the cold, fertilizing the ground around them as they hot a low period in their life, hibernate in many ways. So it reflects that, rising from a low physical growth to blossom forth from the ground.

I don't have the ritual itself made, but it is something I'm going to work on over the next few days. Each holiday as new energies are brought forth I try to hit on a key aspect of that holiday. Last year I was unable to celebrate, the year before it was an honoring of the ancestors, so this year will most likely be of appreciation. Not situated around the past, but appreciation of what I have now and also relying heavily on giving honor to the Dark Gods. Though their lessons are usually hard lessons when compared to the light of the Light Gods, its still one piece of the puzzle of life. No one can get a better grasp on the vastness of life if they restrict themselves to only the positive or negative. Being fluid and opening myself up to all lessons is the best way I see of being a true practioner of nature.

I hope that all you who practice Samhain or any holiday related to its concepts have a joyous time and are blessed in every way.

The Ceremony Is Complete!

As of the morning of October 8th 2013 I, DeShadara, can call myself a full fledged Pagan! It was a wild ride getting up to this point, alot of stress and happiness, but it was well worth it in the end. The jist of the ritual was to give myself as well as Divinity an oath as to who I will be in a secular and religious sense from now on. To light each of the elemental candles formed in a pentagram to signify each truth of each element. At the end of this I, extremely happy and gushing with honor, picked up the silver pentagram necklace in the picture and declared myself a full follower of nature.

After it ended I was still shining with joy, my new necklace clanging as it moved over the beads. No longer would I hide who I am, sacrificing my own selfless gratifications just so that others may feel their selfish ones. Not wearing religious symbols so I or others I chill with won't feel 'out of place'. If I choose I will where it wherever and whenever I want, no if ands or buts about it. Its terrible that young people like ne feel the pressure to conform to the mainstream way of thinking, yet those who are of the more popular faiths feel as if its a-okay to wear their crosses. My faith is just as valid, and along with the strength I swore to hold true to, I will uphold the other four oaths I chose to abide by as well.

Now with this development comes the task of learning as much as I can. With me now having a job, I can access more information such as books since internet connection and Pagan oriented books at the library are nonexistent right now. There are plenty of different things for me to read up on, tarot, history of Paganism, different aspects, the works. Can't bite off more than I can chew, so I'll take everything one step at a time. For now I remain ecstatic at the big move I made today. May it remain in my heart for as long as I live.

Day Before The Oath

In a little under twenty-four hours I will present myself to Deity and will fully dedicate to the Pagan faith. Its odd how close it is, seemed like it was a long tine coming, a plan in the works since earlier this year. Now look at me, twenty years old and finally about to wear the pentagram in full public view. I'm so proud of myself…oh so proud.

Of course there was already a time when I wore the pentagram in public, back when I was a senior in high-school. The difference between then and now is that I will be wearing it just about everywhere I go, including having it in public display at home. Were I living on my own then this would be okay, but with a high opinionated mother I have to live with, this complicates things. Whether or not it causes issues isn't my problem, I'm more than old enough to make my in religious decisions and no matter what I will express my spirituality. The question is why now?

Well, I feel like now is a perfect time to solidify my faith because of all the tike I spent within it, getting to know the people, beliefs and settling myself within the tradition period. I feel like as I've grown as a person and a man that this Pagan path is right for me, comforting me through my tears and strengthening me when I'm weak. Though I haven't shopped or experimented with other faiths the past five years of my life, I feel in my heart that this is the right thing for me to do.

This decision will change some things, especially on how I'm percieved publically. Being in a primarily Christian county already means that there's a high likelihood that I will get nagative reactions from people who may recognize the symbol's modern day usage. Gasps, the shuffling away of children, perhaps even a talking to by braver individuals are just a few things that I expect. Do I care? For the most part, no, though I can't deny that there's a part of me that will always care about that sort of thing. I won't let that deter me or my freedom of self-expression though. You can't cater to everyone's thought without eventually having them live their life through you. Even with my mother being how she is, in the end I have to let myself be happy; and if arguments arise then so be it.

Beyond the personal level, wearing the pentagram will allow religious outreach to those who may be unaware or interested in what it means. I may even be lucky enough to encounter another Pagan, which would be fantastic. By assuming the position as relgious public relations for my personal faith, it allows people who ordinarily wouldn't encounter us to be left with a good impression of Paganism. Besides the fact that plenty wouldn't be able to see me beyond their religious convictions, at least I can plant the seed of interest in their minds. And over time they may even look back to my appearance, attitude and dialogue to reference how others like ne may act, especially if this is their first such encounter.

I hope tomorrow and beyond are full of blessings for me to reap, so close, yet it seems so far away...

Five Lessons Of The Pentagram

The pentagram has many different meanings depending on what religion you belong to as well as where you live. For some it represents evil, others protection, divination, magic(k), or a load of other things. But what does it mean to me? Well, being that I came to know the star through Wicca, my outlook of it tends to be spiritually centered. But being that I feel as if I'm on a different level than was when I was a convert, I think my thoughts on it has improved.

At first it represented the five elements, earth, air, fire, and water, the five building blocks and Spirits that gave rise to the world (world meaning universe in my jargon). To me they have another representation, the five key values of a Pagan; strength, love, knowledge, will, and balance. Each of these values correspond to the elements of earth, water, air, fire, and spirit respectively. As I wear my pentagram necklace with pride, I know that no matter what I'm faced with, that I will exercise these important concepts so that I will remain strong and be the better man, no matter the ignorance.

People could learn a lot from what the pentagram teaches if they simply opened their mind to learn its lessons. Its a lot like nature, if people were to stop demonizing and exploiting its resources as well as its earthly attributes and just opened to its functions we would be a lot better off. The pentagram itself doesn't belong to any one faith, but is a symbol that could mean anything a person or group decides to make it mean. The applied associations don't stay with it, but is a morphing thing that sheds and reworks things applied to it.

Let's consider something as simple as its placement, a topic that brings much debate as to its fixed meaning. For one camp in represents general evil in the sense that when one point face up means the spiritual over the senses while the other is the senses over the mind. For some this is true so its true to them where others see it as representing Satanism or darkness, banishment, a degree of Wiccan clergy, the list could go on frankly. But now you see that how with each individual and group the associations vary wildly on the "good-evil" scale.

With me I see things, not surprisingly, in a different context. While I concede that the pentagram whether inverted or everted could mean the previous list of things could also represent the balance of the elements. When its a single point up it could mean the elements arising from spirit, the force that expanded from a singular sphere to create all that is and will ever be. If they're two points up then to me it shows spirit arising from the four base associations. Both are actually true, But it proves how something as simple as a group of lines and your outlook could have a dramatic effect on how a symbol is percieved.

Holy In The Mundane

"When we seal the circle and the energy within, we create a different realm, a plane of existence set apart from the hustle and bustle of daily life. A new place is created, a place where the divine God and Goddess are called."

But is that really necessary?

The one issue that I have with the italicized statement is that it implies, whether explicitly or not, that one can only invoke the divine after setting apart a space made especially for them. Its not a mandate, but for the unassuming practitioner this creates a thoughtform that says that the mundane is somehow an unacceptable place to call upon Deity. One must realize that if the Divine is intricately involved in the formation and workings if the divine then that means all things be they considered mundane or holy is part of them. Everything exists for a reason and since that is the case then all things given rise should be respected.

Let's consider one of the most mundane things we look at, getting up in the morning and going to work. This process involves us having the biological capacity to wake up, get out of bed, eat breakfast, get washed up, and heading to work. Its so repetitious, yet we take it for granted, yet how would we feel if for a month we suddenly didn't have the ability to do any of that? Well, then we would be reminiscing the times where we had the efficiency to do such "mundane" tasks. We forget that its only mundane until we can't do it anymore.

When you do rituals in whatever form you do them have you ever considered doing a ritual without the cleansing? Going on keeping on without sealing the circle? If not, why not? Did you think it would open you up to harm or allow your life, your Deity/ies to feel unwanted, dishonored in some way? Think about the root reason you do cleansings and separations between holy and mundane, because you believe it will shield you from a negative event; or to essentially divorce from this world to create one that's "better suited" to the Divine's invocation.

My point is that many (though certainly not all) of us as practitioners are so concerned about creating a "better space" that we ignore the beauty of what is already laid out in front of us. We essentially leave behind the physical attributes and blessings of the Earth Spirit (however you may see it) and ascend into more ethereal, psychological realms instead of blending the two as one practice. Instead of acknowledging the protection we already have access to within our lovely minds by the Great Spirit in whatever form, we perform extra rituals and actions to seek removal into a different place entirely.

Its easy to see things as mundane when you have access to it nearly all the time, but to a blind man being given sight for the first time, the forest is a sacred space just by it existing. For each person in their own way of life they see things in a totally different spectrum. Take the time to get to know this mundane world that we so constantly name it. See how as you practice and become better attuned to the cycles and rhythms of nature how every aspect of it also seeks to know you better.

For at least one time, do a ritual without sealing the circle or cleansing the space, walk into it knowing that your God(s) or lack there of protect you with the shining light and mysterious darkness that gives all who wish you wrong fear in their heart. Your power is within you, know it, take it, and shape your spirituality how you will it. Always know that the Divine will always be with you and love you every step of the way no matter how you call them.

Hallowed Pagan Halls

In an imaginary world I envision a grand structure that stands the test of time. A multi acre plot of land that hosts some of the grandest art, books, spaces, classes, and people who wish to learn about the Pagan way. A grand hall where everyone is free of the missionaries and fundamentalists, able to exercise their faith as they please without regret or fear. A monument to the earth and its blessings, a Pagan concept for Pagan people, what a place it would be.

A place where greenery flourishes for those seek a natural atmosphere, atop the expansive roof they may go to practice their rituals and celebrations, have outdoor parties and gigantic gatherings. No one would have to worry about taking up too much space, with the enormity of the area many rituals can be held at once. For those seeking a more private experience they can go to any outside area on the grounds and meditate as they wish. Surrounded by trees, bushes, and edible plants, they can have a great time in blissful solitude as long as they want.

For those who want a more urban flair the inside of the building will be perfect for them. With a delightfully ominous glow, the inner sanctum is laid with stone so if they wish to draw chalk circles for magickal use they may. If it happens to be stormy out green practitioners may also go there to meditate supplied with cushions so they aren't hurt by the stones. They will also be allowed to bring music so long as it doesn't interfere with other practitioners and worshippers. Beyond use as a meditative area, the inner sanctum serves as a study area for those who want to read and study via side areas with desks and chairs. The main area where meditations occur also allows for group worship and a place for workshops, speeches, what have you.

Shops would also have a presence, selling candles, crystals, ritual tools, everything one would need at affordable prices and with knowledgeable staff to assist them if needed. There would also be a multimedia room complete with books, computers, and a projector room so the community will be free to access the internet and look at movies free of any type of religious pressure. Pagan faithful would gather, but they wouldn't be allowed to pressure anyone.

Daily food drives would take place to help the community as well. Visits to homeless shelters to give food and volunteer services where people in need will also be given. Charity will be a must to being there so that everyone will help their fellow man and be a blessing to the less fortunate. For people who have homes but are in dire straights, a community food bank will be available to save them from possibly going hungry or doing illegal practices just to put food on the table. As the money pours in, there will eventually be organic shops that are pesticide and cruelty free, which helps save money in the long term by offsetting health and emergency room costs. There would perhaps even be classes held by licensed holistic healthcare doctors to teach all who come ways to safely administer natural medicinal foods without needing to constantly pop pills.

This is just an idea of mine, but something I've always wanted to do sometime in the future, I hope one day that I or someone else is able to build it so we may have a large-scale temple to call our own. The idea is incomplete, but a project I mentally work on every now and again.

Is Paganism For Me?

Congratulations! You've made the first step of free thought by wondering if you truly belong in your hone taught faith! Even though it sounds like nothing, its something that plenty of people have to deal with on a daily basis. Feeling that even though they're making their parents and family happy that they are really lying to them, putting on a mask to hide their identity. The fact that you have made this first step in wondering if another faith is for you shows that you are becoming more self aware and brave enough to consider the unknown. Few are brave enough to think such thoughts, even fewer leave the faith they grew up with, feeling as if they are in a prison they can't escape from.

You must ask yourself why Paganism? Of all the faiths out there that are more popular and well known, what made you choose this hidden and oft misunderstood spirituality?

Before I left my native Christianity for eco-Paganism I was terrified, all the thoughts that were ingrained in my head made me reluctant to leave, fearing the worst. I was but a teen then, in tenth grade to be more precise, and boy was it a momentous occasion. I had it with Christianity and felt that I got no spiritual fulfillment being on my knees praying to a God I was told existed but never felt. No matter how I prayed I always felt restrained, held back by family tradition of going to church, praying, all that jazz Christians are supposed to do. Adhering like a robot to its commands, not thinking, not questioning, just acting- I had it.

You may or may not be at this point, but if you are, I heavily stress that you weigh your options carefully and not make rash and knee-jerk resopnses. We have enough people old and young who jump into esoteric faiths like Wicca or witchcraft just to make a statement, not for real spiritual reasons.

Do you think you could put up with your family if they somehow found out about your conversion? Even if you're really secretive that doesn't mean that its impossible for them to find out. All it takes is to see one Facebook post, one journal entry, one little finding to unravel all the secrecy you cloaked yourself in. You need to know that without a doubt you can handle whatever they throw at you no matter how negative it may be. "But DeShadara",you may say, "my parents love me and wouldn't do anything to make me feel bad or ashamed." I'm glad you feel that way, and you know your parents better than I, so you can speak of them more accurately than I,but remember that things aren't always how they seem. If they have strong religious convictions and you come to them talking how you're involved in another faith then things may not be as strawberry and roses as you think.

This goes even farther though. Do you think you could deal with the pressure given to you by others who will try to convert you to Christianity?

I'm not trying to scare anyone out of wanting to be Pagan, whether that be Wiccan, witch, Druid, Asatru or what have you. I'm trying to make sure that you, the perspective convert, know what you're getting yourself into, there's no point opening the door if you have no idea of what's on the other side. To make that next step into conversion means that certain things will change and could change if you decide on actually doing it, I just want to give you forewarning.

So once you figure out if you want to be in the faith you need to figure out why you want to. What sets paganism apart from your current faith? What rules, traditions, way of thinking, customs make things so unworldly terrible that you feel the need to leave it? Now is a perfect tine to consider these things because you can really give yourself a reality check. Everyone has their own reason, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, but you will soon question why you made this life altering choice in the first place. Better prepare yourself by packing up everything you will already need than to go into the journey wishing you had.

Once you've crossed that hurtle, plus whatever else you think you need to address, you need to do your reasearch. There are plenty of good and bad sites out there just as there are good and bad pagans, you just need to have the discerning eye to question everything. I like to say walk in with the highest and strongest question mark on your face, ask why something is the way it is and the history/story behind it. ALWAYS QUESTION even the most mundane of pagan topics because everything has a story tied to it. Never just take things as they are because of customs, that's taking the easy and ignorant way out. Even though I could tell you sites that I personally liked I used on my journey up until now, that would be taking away the thrill of the search, so if you think you're ready to take the plunge then its time to start hunting!

Is Deity Really Perfect?

As a child I always heard that God was the perfect being, that he (coming from a Christian worldview) was capable of no wrong and all from him was righteous. As I grew up and started questioning such premises I began to realize why perfection was such a bad thing.

Even though these experiences and beliefs are solely my own and far from the only way of thinking, its a truth that is right for me at this time. As far as I can tell, with all the wars, disease, poverty, injustice and general negativity, I've come to the conclusion that an active God/dess cannot be perfect. If he or she is so intricately tied to the functions if the universe and earth in specific then he/she/it is a lazy ass and isn't worth my time. *to put it bluntly* However, when one considers the imbalances we see in the world, however bad we may see them to be, the truth is that with life you get a mixed bag of good, bad, terrible and terrific. Because we have this dynamic cycle of deficit and excess, life is able to grow and contract accordingly.

Imagine it like this, if you were to move your arm with five pounds pulling upward, yet gravity was pulling you down with the same force you wouldn't be able to move that arm. Or if the universe were to come forth with a perfectly even distribution there would be no life or beauty; just a stale mix of nothingness.

To have perfection is to have staleness because nothing ever needs to change, everything is always marching with its own monotonous drum. Nothing is ever truly perfect because that's nit the concept with which our universe is based upon. And if there truly is a deity attached to the fabric of the universe then it too is as imperfect as its creation.

You always have people who want to project their vision, hopes and dreams in other people and concepts. This is why American culture has the issue of Deifying athletes, celebrities and politicians to such inhuman standards, they expect too much from so little. The same is especially true in religion, where you have billions of people who are free to adopt, alter, make up, or push on others any way of thinking for their own gain. They're some who are victim card holders and adopt a God who will always take care of any harm or wrong done in the world. When things don't go right its because of some outside force and almost never a misjudgment on their part. You also have people who are independent and acknowledge both the good and bad done as being their own responsibility. Having a religious beluef just gives more hope to them as they live their life.

This is the great imperfection of life, not having a cohesive mix of ideas and belief structures, which fuels debate, yet another product of imbalance.

We are graced with the gift and curse of imbalance, never having enough or just the right amount, but through this constant turmoil of need and want, have and have nots, change is able to occur. The fierce explosion of change may occur where we do our damndest to ensure that things are done to their best, which will never be, but that's not the point. The point of this crazy imbalanced world is to try and bring change when we see it needs to be done. To have the honor and civility to say that even though things aren't right that doesn't mean it has to stay that way.

This, my friend, is what I mean by perfect imperfection, chaos is the beginning and end, we just try to adjust to it. By this constant adjusting, we thus prove that Deity in whatever form cannot actually be perfect.

Pagan Beliefs On Homosexuals

A lot of faiths out there have different views on everything, for some you can't seem to do anything without getting some type if reprimand, with others the rules are a bit more relaxed, however slight. But what beliefs does Paganism hold about homosexuality?

That depends on what you define as paganism. There are two 'types' of paganism, at least that's what it seems like when the faith group is being talked about. The first form is the actual definition if paganism, which is essentially any non-Christian faith; this covers a wide swath if religions. When you use the typical application of Paganism as any nature-based faith that believes in the practices of communing, protecting, and celebrating the changes of the earth, then we're talking about my crew.

So what does nature-based Paganism say about homosexuals? Good question, we say, "WELCOME!!" The thing one must realize about eco-Paganism is that we're very accepting to the LGBTQ community, even if you don't see all of us having rainbow flags on hand. Its not like other faiths where being LGBTQ is a strange foreign thing, instead, you're more likely to get weird looks if you don't believe in gay rights. It impossible to be a practitioner of nature while denying the most basic form of it, which is sexuality. It's perfectly natural to feel however you may feel about sexual orientation because unlike what others may say, transvestism, bi-sexuality, and homosexuality exists extensively throughout nature.

Freedom, love, independence, and ALL natural rights are things that we as a faith value highly. And even though we aren't as perfect as we wish we were, having our own squabbles, all out brawls and what have you on occasion; we do our best to ensure that all who take the Pagan banner are free to do as they wish.

The God Is The Goddess

            All is one and one is all

Everything that we see is made of the one creative force that existed since the beginning of the universe. The transfer from the formless but fertile mass of the darkness to the zest and dazzling shine of the light.

There may or not be a God/s,Goddess/es, of spirit/s, but whether there is or not is irrelevant because we will be working from the premise of there being one or more.

When many think of the God and Goddess, however they may be thought of, there is usually the distinction between what associations are in the God's realm and what is the Goddess's. This division, in my eyes, is incorrect for the simple fact that it limits one form or another to a singular aspect, which is in contrast to the nature of the universe.

Of course, each practitioner of nature is free to believe what they choose, my opinion is of my own just as yours is of you.

I take the usual God and Goddess astrological correspondence of the Moon being of the Goddess and the Sun being of the God. Why is this so? Why can't the God be of the Moon, emotions, magic(k), dreams and occult practices and the Goddess be of the harvest, Sun, the wild and nature? We sometimes get so wrapped up in what we're told is the "right" thing to think that we start making a dogma, which of itself is dangerous.

We see enough of this in other faiths, where one is told not only what to believe, but also considered not of the faith if they stray from the traditional teachings. This is something that I advocate against, especially in more eclectic pagan faiths where tradition is bent to fit the individual's wants and needs. By opening your mind and questioning the the things that you're taught, you allow for a more diverse practice and spirituality. My practice for example is unique to me, not being centered on usual pagan beliefs but instead on all. Anything can be used to represent anything and I do my best to ensure that I limit as little as possible when I do things such as ritual. Some things I do that are in conflict with most spiritual teachings and pagan practices (one of the most known being Wicca) comes with how I do ritual.

My invocations are done counter-clockwise, my elemental directions aren't the usual earth=north, air=east, fire=south, and water=west. For me, earth=south, fire=east, air=north, and water=west. The sun and moon don't have fixed gender correspondences in my eyes since they are one the same.

God and Goddess, just gender terms to describe archetypal forms, they are of and beyond gender, part of the cohesive mix that ties the knot keeping the universe whole. Once you open your eyes to mixing both forms and see their mark in all that you see will you gain new insight.

All in all, don't be afraid to think out of the box, Deity is a very bendable concept that can fit into any person's imagination. All you need is faith and the will to think outside the box, then like a blind who sees for the first time, you will see beauty in the most mundane things.

A Minority In A Minority

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As an African-American Pagan, sometimes I feel the pressure of discomfort as I celebrate my faith. Its not as if I feel alienated by others within my faith because of my skin color, not by a long shot. The discomfort stems from having very little contact with other pagans who happen to be black as well.

Its odd that so many people who have pagan ancestry are vastly detatched from that spirituality in my eyes. Within my own community I see plenty who honor their African ancestry with the garb and regalia and sometimes speech, yet once you try and go into the spiritual aspects that went along with the clothing suddenly they flatline.

I understand that during the time of slavery we were heavily indoctrinated with the Christian mindset, either that or be erroneously punished; but now that we don't have to worry about such a reprimand, we as a people seem to blackout that religious time period.

As I look at the people who are around me I sometimes feel the insecurity of feeling like the "other", as if I don't belong with the swaths of red, brown, blonde and black hair. As if I'm unwelcomed, not by others' actions or deeds, but by having no one to relate to me on a cultural perspective of being a black Pagan. I have no issue with my brothers or sisters of European descent, I just wish there were more African-Americans like me who know how it feels to leave the predominantly Christian culture.

All's Ready For October!

Okay, not EVERYTHING is ready for October, but beside I few spare candles and a lighter I need to buy, everything is all set for my Day of Conversion ceremony.

Now, once I celebrate I will be, in my eyes, I full fledged Pagan. Though it took nearly five years of waiting, I finally feel as if I'm at the point where I will be able to take the first steps of fully realizing my spiritual path.

Don't take the five years too seriously, being that I'm just hitting twenty and for the last four out of those five years being spent learning next to nothing (100% broke and for the most part without internet connection) I feel like now would be the perfect time for me to reset my religious counter. That means that starting the moment after I officiate myself on October 8th, 2013 I will go from five year Pagan to day one of following the path.

It sounds quite drastic but is something I've felt needed to be done for quite a while now. Most of my time was spent in a not so happy place from a religious perspective and by doing this I feel that I'm putting a nail in that coffin; gone, but never forgotten. That release is just what I need, so I'll take it with a smile on my face and with an "S" on my chest.

The first order of business is not to reduce my practice to the basics, but to rebuild from the foundation up, much like The Tower in the tarot. By drilling down and overviewing from step one, I can quickly rebound and launch into a new stage of ritual and closeness to the Gods. I'm not daunted by the work ahead, I'm just happy that I'm finally in a position where I will be able to work on myself in the most important of aspects.

Faith has gotten me through a lot over these years, has increased as time wore on and has been the only thing that was really with me when all felt lost and I, abandoned. I will swear my allegiance to the whole of nature, getting in touch with all of its sides, both the light and dark and twilight areas. To learn of its functions on a religious as well as scientific perspective, so that the two will mingle in a cohesive mix.

On a spiritual level I realize that my rituals are lacking in zest, not in a dramatic flamboyant way, but in meaning and symbolism. Being that I'm so in my head and stiff, I hardly if ever move when I'm doing rituals, mainly keeping my words and actions in my head rather than actually doing them, which I know is quite odd for many Pagans. Loosen up, get out of my head and convert that love and devotion into movement and pride of the feminine and masculine energies within. Its a waste not not use it, so I need to set my feet and voice box aflame with action!

Easier said than done, but I realize that I need a holistic approach to invigorate my inner drive, as it will it, so shall it be.

In any case, I know that with a lightened mind and joyful heart, careful planning and watchful eye, I will be successful and ready for October 8th.

Feeling....Witchy?!

I find it quite odd that for the longest I've stated that I had no belief in the subjects of magic(k) or divination, seeing it in many respects as non-scientific and without merit data wise.

And while I don't disparage against any who may believe in it, for me it just doesn't click, doesn't hold me. Yet here I am breaking out my old tarot cards that I almost always used back when I held divination as a valid personal practice. Since the Mabon ritual -which isn't even twelve hours old- I've felt...witchy so to speak.

I'm currently reevaluating my belief in the topic, considering that while it may not have a scientific grounding, that it could be beneficial on a spiritual level. It does tell quite a good story afterall, so why not use it if it could help in me see things in a different light? I'm always on the hunt for ways to diversify my experinces, this could be a great tool in doing just that.

The thought for now is to give it a few days to marinate in the old gear box to ensure I'm not just on ritual high, which it very well may be. I am hopeful, and may do a 180° when it comes to using some divination practices. For now, keeping a steady heart and an open mind.

Highs and Lows in Faith

There are times within a Pagan's faith that they begin to somehow feel distant from their God, practices waning and dedication flailing.

Its almost like a creeping rot disease where as much as you practice, celebrate, and study, you feel as if somehow its not enough. As if you are doing something wrong, how does one deal with something like this, and why does it happen?

A while ago, roughly a year or so, I went through this same exact thing, loving the Divine with all my heart yet feeling like the progress I was making wasn't enough. It got to the point where I thought about leaving Wicca (at that time I hadn't left it for general Paganism) and just floating around life to no end.

Thankfully that didn't happen and I eventually got out of the rut, able to fully implement my faith practices without discomfort.

So what happened? Well, though I'm by no means an expert, when it comes to my situation I can formulate a general theory. See, before the rut I was so into the Divine, so willing and ready to dive into whatever faith practices I came across that I left little time to live.

When people get into something they really like and something that they are really getting returns in it becomes hard to stop. In my case I allowed faith to get in the way of socializing, working on myself in a secular sense and essentially drowning in Wicca this, meditation that.

Over an extended period of time I believe that I naturally became repelled by it, mentally tired of always doing religious stuff, I needed separation. At that time I didn't understand let alone care to, I had what made me happy and I'd be damned if I decided to slow down.

For me at least, this was the very problem, lack of moderation. When doing anything you must take it in bites and pieces, do too much and you risk choking, keep piling it on and serious drawbacks become apparent. The same us especially true with faith, learn to restrict some things and live a multi-faceted life, expanding in secular, religious, scholastic and social arenas.

Sometimes even that is not enough and you may need a break from it all to work on new endeavours, but dont think that you have to be in pagan mode 100% of the time. Realize that you're not a robot, and as such you need some downtime to take a vacation.

YOU Are The Circle!

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I feel that I must state again and again to some practitioners that having a magical circle is not absolutely necessary when conducting ritual. It is but one of many practices that can be employed, but is not by any means the end all be all of Pagan worship.

The circle,  by which I mean the holy space that is used to channel the energies of the divine is within each and every one of us. Having a physical marker has no power unless we give it that power, but by us simply being of the Divine we are granted some of its potent energy. It all rests within the confined yet vast expanses of the mind, depending upon our worldly outlook we may shackle or set our spirits free to whatever belief attempts to restrain us.

Unless it is your choice, do not let a layer of salt, a circle of stones or a weave of ribbons determine your level of protection, for you are always protected. Have that certainty and etch it into your very being so that you never feel compelled to look outward for gratification,  but in the mirror.

Endless Waiting

Laying in bed watching the minutes tick by, second by second as I await the arrival of dawn. Dreading as the moon shines her dazzling rays, just beginning her nightly trek across the sky. Soon I pray the Sun will rise from his deep slumber to grace me with the ability to celebrate the arrival of the equinox, but I have so long to wait.

Patience, a virtue I thoroughly lack, eats away at the edges of my sanity, threatening to make me snap.

Be still DeShadara, it will arrive soon. Until then I will stay in this period of endless waiting...