Pagan In The Workplace

Its amazing to me that I'm finally able to call myself an employed Pagan, able to finally document my experiences in the workplace. Though nothing really shocking has happened to me, I'm happy none the less. I do however find it a bit odd being the ONLY Pagan in my entire workplace, it isn't something that I came in not knowing, afterall there primarily Christians or Muslims where I live. Not that its bad, just that I feel the usual loneliness that comes with being in a small faith where practitioners are few and far between physically speaking. Beyond that comes the usual weariness when you have people able to proudly wear their crosses, hijabs and turbans, yet you feel nervous or even scared to walk in the building wearing your pentagram. It sucks but comes with the territory, there are those who will proudly wear it without fear but I am sadly not one of those brave hearts. Lets be honest, if I were to do that I could very well be opening myself up for harassment and the normal rough and tumble bs from outsiders. Even if I didn't have to deal with that there would be the questions of why I believe what I believe, why did I leave Christianity in favor of the pagan banner, you know, the usual. Telling the reason why I left would just have them bring out the knives since my issues with Christianity would likely rouse the anger within them. Its different when I'm at school (when I went to school) where I didn't have a care in the world since I didn't give a care what others thought or said. Now I have to be careful since now we're talking about money and my livelihood, not like my mother will ever give me cash to go pick up some candles for this year's Yule or anything not Christian.

In addition, I don't want to have the horror story I had in high-school with administrators actively harassing me with little end until I left. I could easily just leave for another job, but Why kick the hornet's nest when you can safely walk past it? On occasion I have considered of walking in there donning the Seal when I didn't have work to just express my pride, but let's be real, that's kicking the nest. Perhaps that doesn't make me a good Pagan, but sometimes you have to know when to act and when to stay silence. There's a fine line between being brave and bold and being a complete idiot, for me, walking in my Christian stronghold of a workplace would create more of a headache than I want, which is why I don't even wear my crystals when I'm there.

If you think about it one could consider Muslims and how they wear the hijab post 9/11, they know the issues they would face yet they do it anyway knowing the risks. Perhaps by bending to the ignorant forces around me I'm showing cowardice to my faith and in turn disrespecting Divinity in spirit. It's an issue I've struggled with for years so please don't mind the babbling, its just that it makes me nervous thinking of this. Consider if the hive got pissed, since I work in retail and just so happen to have anger issues I'm already having issues. But no, let me tell you how bad it is for me on a pride basis. I'm a five year highly prideful Pagan that has to work in a 'Christian' stronghold in the retail industry who happens to distrust Christianity (because of my plethora of bad experiences) and happens to have anger issues--oh frigging joy, lol. With my share of bad experiences I have no issue invalidating any militant Christians I happen to find along the way, but doing that would mean putting my job at risk because of the ignorant piece a pies that shop where I work. And since the customer is always right [wrong] I must endure hiding in the shadows for now..

To compensate that obvious fact I've taken into consideration just having a small pentagram charm to wear on my person. The point of faith is not to show it to the world but to be one with it and at peace, so that is something I'm certainly going to try. To have the Seal (I'll explain why I capitalize it in a later post) on me so I can touch it, feel it and be at peace when in contact with it. I'm currently trying to merge my spiritual self with my everyday self so it could be a great second step (the first being me wearing my pentagram in public when not at work). Being that I love wearing jewelry such as necklaces I'll probably wear it as a simple bracelet to attatch to my belt loop and touch when I need a reminder of my blessings from the Divine. It'll help, and I already have in mind what to order so that I can do it safely and without issue.

If I'm somehow found out, which isn't hard so long as someone decides to research the days that I take off work, I won't fret, not as if I'm blasting my faith to the world (Actually I am since I do have this faith blog of mine, lol). Whatever happens happens, I'll just keep my head up, keep my faith, and walk proudly on my Pagan path.

What Holiday Is In November?

So my manager finally asked the question I was dreading for so long,"What holiday is in November?"

Seems like an innocent question, right? In many respects it is, but to a Pagan who like many is suspicious and weary of those of different faiths- primarily Abrahamic faiths since its harassment galore with some in that faction- its not. We were in the managers' office with me and her sitting down opposite one another discussing my requested days off. As with the day I took off for Mabon and Samhain, which my manager lost in his usual busy haste, I expected no issue when I turned in *again* the request to take November 1st off.

As soon as I saw her squint in confusion at the date I knew I had a situation on my hands. "Mmm, November? What religion is that for?"

Immediately I was going to go ahead and say the reveration of the ancestors, celebration of the dead, thankfulness for all we have...but I'd be wrong. She asked what religion that was for, we didn't get to the meaning yet.

A flash through my head, 'should I tell her that I'm Pagan?' Then my mind snaps back to the time where she said a few weeks ago how she's trying to stop cursing to get closer to her Christian faith. Innocent enough, but still my paranoid red flags start waving, then I think about my present situation. I'm in my very first job surrounded by people I don't even know, people very well (though I have little proof) may gossip every now and again. Do I really want to hear whispers in the dark about DeShadara being Pagan? Do I really want someone to get pissed via their religious convictions to start the bullshit? Or if someone gets angry someday to look up pagan and come to my job with lies and ignorance being railed against me?

Again, let me stress that I don't know these people, they don't need to know my faith, they just need to respect it.

"I'd rather keep that private." She now thinks I'm just wanting a day off under two months from now for the hell of it, but that's okay because she puts in the request anyway, approved.

Even though that's all over, I still have to put in another holiday, Yule, and before that even happens I still may get the question of what exactly my faith is. By no means am I afraid of the question, I already know that if pressed I'll stone wall them and respectfully ask that they leave the issue alone. I've gone through a lot worse than someone being innocently curious, though the fact that I work with Christians and Muslims who may be -could be- like ones I've had to stare down online, at school and even in my own home makes me wary.

I don't like problems, and I know I'm grasping at strings at this point, but I'm pessimistic, I always think about the worst first.

A New Pagan Name?

In exactly two weeks I will have gone from an ex-Wiccan dedicant to a fully realized self initiated Pagan practitioner. With it I would like to do as I did when I became Wiccan and change my name. Though I already have one, its reflective of my old life in a past faith, something that I grew out of as time wore on. Now I want a new identity, something that will show a new me, but what?

I haven't been thinking too long about what the new name should be though I have been thinking about the topic of name changing for quite a while now. I want my name to mean something, to be slightly dramatic but not over the top, something to speak in front of the Gods.

There are a lot in the pagan field who believe that the religious name one bestows to oneself shouldn't be revealed or given to another for various reasons. For some its do you aren't cursed, to respect the privacy between you and your Gods, etcetera etcetera.

Once I'm able to come up with a good name it will remain private so that it stays between me and Deity, though the last name, DeShadara, will remain the same. That's simply because of me saying it so many times that its become more of a first name than anything else, so it will stay.

Thankfully I have fourteen days to figure out a good name so here's hoping I can make one in time!

Then again, its not a mandated thing, I can go without a religious name and go as I choose to call myself at the time. I do favor decentralizing my practices so that it doesn't become my own religious dogma, but if it helps to give myself an added layer of identity then I don't see why not.

This is something I should definitely ponder for a while, for now I will rest in the fury of my own thoughts.

Relationships and Faith

Interfaith dating is such a thorny subject, filled with a plethora of conditions, circumstantials, debate, worry and all that cheese, so is it worth it?

There are plenty on both sides that have their own testimonials on how delightful or terrible it is, so who's right?

To be honest, I believe that it depends on the couple since things as important as faith can better both involved or it could knock the couple sideways. Many know of the first hurtle that can come up when things go bad, one or both people involved believing that they eventually make the other convert.

That one issue is the most significant pain in the ass in my mind because it reeks of distrust and being shady. Limiting your actions and interactions to try and outrightly force or slightly edge another away from the beliefs that they may hold near and dear to them.

That was the prime issue that held me back from doing an interfaith relationship, worry that my partner may be a bible-thumper in disguise since he long knew of my Pagan status. Eventually I got over it since my resolution was to leave him if he ever tried to hit me with an ultamatum down the road. I trust him, but you never know 100%

So with all of this talk of being weary, do you think you should commit to an interfaith relationship? To be honest, my belief is that if you think its right for you then jump.

The key to any good relationship is to have good communication, if the both (or whatever the number may be) of you don't talk about the topic of faith beforehand,  then you could very well be setting yourself up for heart ache.

I would even go a step further, if it were me, to try and guage whether the person(s) I'm trying to date have a strong bond with their parents. Many people do, I recall a time where a girl who I liked had no issue with my faith, yet when her religious parents found out barred her from seeing me. It sucked, but eventually she stood for herself and gave them her ass to kiss.

If you know the person has strong ties with their parents, it may be a good idea to either be honest and let then know if they don't already, or form a good relationship with them beforehand.

Such wonder can be found in interfaith dating, for one you expand your awareness of other cultures and traditions, which can further your own practices and faith dedication. You can gain deep insight by revealing and being shown something that may be intensely private, which of course cements the relationship and the love you share.

At first it may be daunting, imagine going to a mosque, church, temple, or ritual space for the first time!

Though I would personally feel a bit nervous of such a prospect, if someone thinks of you in such a way to invite you to a religious event of theirs, take it. If you're not yet ready then speak up, don't do anything you're uncomfortable with.

I could go on and on, but in the end the decision is up to you, don't go in the situation with a negative frame of thought, that only poisons the well you're about to drink out of. Instead, keep an open mind and heart, that way you set the stage for great blessings you both can enjoy.

With communication, love, and honesty, any people of any faith can have long lasting bonds and love, don't limit yourself to any one person or faith tradition, you only do yourself a disservice.

Highs and Lows in Faith

There are times within a Pagan's faith that they begin to somehow feel distant from their God, practices waning and dedication flailing.

Its almost like a creeping rot disease where as much as you practice, celebrate, and study, you feel as if somehow its not enough. As if you are doing something wrong, how does one deal with something like this, and why does it happen?

A while ago, roughly a year or so, I went through this same exact thing, loving the Divine with all my heart yet feeling like the progress I was making wasn't enough. It got to the point where I thought about leaving Wicca (at that time I hadn't left it for general Paganism) and just floating around life to no end.

Thankfully that didn't happen and I eventually got out of the rut, able to fully implement my faith practices without discomfort.

So what happened? Well, though I'm by no means an expert, when it comes to my situation I can formulate a general theory. See, before the rut I was so into the Divine, so willing and ready to dive into whatever faith practices I came across that I left little time to live.

When people get into something they really like and something that they are really getting returns in it becomes hard to stop. In my case I allowed faith to get in the way of socializing, working on myself in a secular sense and essentially drowning in Wicca this, meditation that.

Over an extended period of time I believe that I naturally became repelled by it, mentally tired of always doing religious stuff, I needed separation. At that time I didn't understand let alone care to, I had what made me happy and I'd be damned if I decided to slow down.

For me at least, this was the very problem, lack of moderation. When doing anything you must take it in bites and pieces, do too much and you risk choking, keep piling it on and serious drawbacks become apparent. The same us especially true with faith, learn to restrict some things and live a multi-faceted life, expanding in secular, religious, scholastic and social arenas.

Sometimes even that is not enough and you may need a break from it all to work on new endeavours, but dont think that you have to be in pagan mode 100% of the time. Realize that you're not a robot, and as such you need some downtime to take a vacation.