And yet again there is a disruption in my space as a bulldozer cut straight through my ritual area, smashing through my elemental pillars, and voiding the space I dedicated to the Deities of nature for some simple manholes. It makes me upset that a direct path was cut from the road straight through the heart of the woods for them, let alone the fact that whoever was there actually tried to smash apart my altar but couldn't since I reinforced it underneath. The altar itself was clearly out of the way, but in whoever it was' attempt to be an ass they tried anyway before quitting. Though I had already moved my things after the flood that mudblasted the area into a dripping sticky mess, I'm still somewhat shaken as to how close I came to all my struggle and getting the little bit I could afford being found and destroyed for simple pleasure. I long thought after that massive flooding that it happened for a reason, not knowing that had it not happened, everything would be gone, left to the mercy of ignorant outsiders who don't understand why they're there.
Thank the Gods for such a blessing, but I ask myself if there is any place that is deemed untouchable in my local place of residence. The woods where I live have been ransacked over the past five years, taken by a small nearby city for wetlands, the other side being hit to destroy a junked up tennis court, which opened new trails that forces me into one spot that could be found were someone to look closely enough. Its sad how much woods were snapped up, but I pray to the highest Divine that I am still able to retain my outside area or I won't know where else to go. Its impossible for me to do celebrations where I live, and I have some private materials I don't want being seen by my noisy mother. I am left in worry, but I know I must stay strong.
This reminds me of a previous incident I had when some kids who lived I'm my neighborhood decided it would be the best thing in the world to trash my space. My garden, wind chimes, everything that made my little slice of heaven beautiful was mercilessly thrown, broken and torn. The amount of hate that erupted in me was inhuman and vastly different from me, and I hope to never go back there again, but it saddens me all the same to see this type of ignorance situated against someone who doesn't even bother anyone. A long time from now I think it would be best to live in a forested area where I'll be free to do as I please and be at peace in the woods, away from trivial and often daft beliefs and customs that I see as destructive and self serving. My outlook on life is vastly different from mainstream society, my beliefs make me an essential misfit that can't be placed in many social groups on any deep level because my simple beliefs run in the face of what many people my age are taught to value. Its not that I see myself as better than anyone, but that my views and beliefs are a fundamental 'other' that many people don't normally see in an everyday black teen.
Anuway, I was thinking of perhaps having a mobile altar or ritual area so that I can practice wherever I choose and not be rooted to any singular space. The issue itself is where to have all of my items in the first place. With the entire section of woods where I live now being accessible by whomever decides to walk throyght the woods my choices are severely limited. If the last area of woods where my altar is housed now is compromised then I may have to vacate the woods entirely until further notice. It'll hurt very badly since I've been celebrating holidays and doing meditations there for all of my Pagan conversion, but I suppose that if I must that I'll have no choice.
May the Gods be with me, Divinity knows I need an awesome blessing right now...
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