Pagan Pride At Work

So after a particularly stressful day at work and needing a bit of relief I reached for my pentagram pendent and rubbed it so I didn't go all bat-shit crazy on some associates I work with. It took the whole day, but eventually I was able to keep it together and continue my "accident" free streak of not bugging out. After that whole situation of needing some Pagan prayer the thought of wearing my pentagram publically came to thought. Of course it is something that I normally prefer not doing for the simple fact that I don't like getting strange looks from people or questions from people that deter from me actually doing my work. After that personal nightmare though I found myself routinely looking at the mirror trying to see how I would look wearing it. Afterall, once I walk out of the job I throw it out of my shirt and wear it proudly, so why would I or should I care what others within the store think? I've encountered ignorance sparsely throughout my tenure as a nature spiritualist, showing pride if nothing else would enhance my work ethic and skill since I would always be reminded of my vows upon my conversion only months before.

I understand that there's a time and place for everything, but let's be honest that displays of faith are plastered across the work world in varying concentration depending on the person. If I wanted to no one could stop me since its a constitutional right and the fact that they're plenty of others who display their faith despite the probability of encountering ignorance. At the end of it it's all a matter of personal preference, but I have to consider what may happen if the bullshit gets started with customers or other associates. I could do the easy thing and file a complaint and if things go straight to hell contact my local news agency which will go all out against the store if they go all shitty to them, though knowing the leadership of the store that'll most likely not happen. I always have options, I just need to decide if I want to act or not. Acting means I'm being true to myself on a secular and religious basis and can do my job with a clearer conscious. Not doing it means always remember to hide an important aspect of myself, saving face for the sake of those who may be ignorant...

Lets also not forget the outreach that can be done if I decided to wear it, bringing the face of diversity to a business that could use it. From an educational perspective it could be great because then its like I'm being a 24/7 representative of my faith as well, normalizing it to dispell misplaced fears against it. I wonder how many minority faith adherents considered this very thing when they were first getting off the ground. I may very well not do it, its such a simple act but could have unforeseen ramifications. .decisions decisions.

Is Any Place Sacred?!

And yet again there is a disruption in my space as a bulldozer cut straight through my ritual area, smashing through my elemental pillars, and voiding the space I dedicated to the Deities of nature for some simple manholes. It makes me upset that a direct path was cut from the road straight through the heart of the woods for them, let alone the fact that whoever was there actually tried to smash apart my altar but couldn't since I reinforced it underneath. The altar itself was clearly out of the way, but in whoever it was' attempt to be an ass they tried anyway before quitting. Though I had already moved my things after the flood that mudblasted the area into a dripping sticky mess, I'm still somewhat shaken as to how close I came to all my struggle and getting the little bit I could afford being found and destroyed for simple pleasure. I long thought after that massive flooding that it happened for a reason, not knowing that had it not happened, everything would be gone, left to the mercy of ignorant outsiders who don't understand why they're there.
Thank the Gods for such a blessing, but I ask myself if there is any place that is deemed untouchable in my local place of residence. The woods where I live have been ransacked over the past five years, taken by a small nearby city for wetlands, the other side being hit to destroy a junked up tennis court, which opened new trails that forces me into one spot that could be found were someone to look closely enough. Its sad how much woods were snapped up, but I pray to the highest Divine that I am still able to retain my outside area or I won't know where else to go. Its impossible for me to do celebrations where I live, and I have some private materials I don't want being seen by my noisy mother. I am left in worry, but I know I must stay strong.
This reminds me of a previous incident I had when some kids who lived I'm my neighborhood decided it would be the best thing in the world to trash my space. My garden, wind chimes, everything that made my little slice of heaven beautiful was mercilessly thrown, broken and torn. The amount of hate that erupted in me was inhuman and vastly different from me, and I hope to never go back there again, but it saddens me all the same to see this type of ignorance situated against someone who doesn't even bother anyone. A long time from now I think it would be best to live in a forested area where I'll be free to do as I please and be at peace in the woods, away from trivial and often daft beliefs and customs that I see as destructive and self serving. My outlook on life is vastly different from mainstream society, my beliefs make me an essential misfit that can't be placed in many social groups on any deep level because my simple beliefs run in the face of what many people my age are taught to value. Its not that I see myself as better than anyone, but that my views and beliefs are a fundamental 'other' that many people don't normally see in an everyday black teen.
Anuway, I was thinking of perhaps having a mobile altar or ritual area so that I can practice wherever I choose and not be rooted to any singular space. The issue itself is where to have all of my items in the first place. With the entire section of woods where I live now being accessible by whomever decides to walk throyght the woods my choices are severely limited. If the last area of woods where my altar is housed now is compromised then I may have to vacate the woods entirely until further notice. It'll hurt very badly since I've been celebrating holidays and doing meditations there for all of my Pagan conversion, but I suppose that if I must that I'll have no choice.
May the Gods be with me, Divinity knows I need an awesome blessing right now...

Change Of Heart With Pagan-Christian Relations

Perhaps its due to my edges with Christianity that I became so blinded as to the spiritual needs that I have yet to quench, the pain and enequality that I endure and witness online and in life that clouded my vision. I've decided that it makes no sense to constantly rant and rave about the need for increased dialogue between the two faiths and try to create peace. After an epiphany of sorts, I've seen that before we can even get into talking about being better with other faiths that we need to look in our own faith and resolve how we treat other practitioners. Its not as if we can have a kumbaiya moment, but the amount if shaming, infighting, and needless bickering between our varied factions is unbecoming of us as practitioners of balance, peace, love and compassion. As an individual practitioner who feels wronged by my first faith, I feel that I have many scars from it and because of that its led ne to focus more on them than on me and my own spirituality as a whole. It would be a good thing of Christians would stop trying to roadblock us and protest everything we do in the name of their God but at the end of the day you can't stop a bird from flying lest you break its wings. In other words, one direct method of resisting their protesting ways would be to mirror their own actions- not the only way, but a way that would egg a response from others in general though doing that would make us no better than them.

What I think we is simply ignore them, those who seek to guilt trip us into damnation aren't real Christians for one, but false claimers who claim a truth they do not live. We should just live as we do and simply take the high road when they come to be ignorant. Acknowledging the fake ones would be like giving a bully attention, you simply invigorate his stupidity and senseless actions. By showing no care as to their protests we invalidate them by default so that they go from false practitioners of Jesus' teachings to mere rambling children that whine on topics they have no power of. Its but one way to deal With them, but I feel that this constant public relations campaign some of us to is simply a waste of energy. Do as you will, sure, but it is just a suggestion from one Pagan to another.

Of course not everything is one-sided, we have plenty of practitioners on our side who not only play the victim but are ready in a snap to target and attack Christians as well as "Christians". This needs to be stamped out because it delegitimizes our ways and our very own teachings. Force is not a good option, and I believe that foe the most part we do a good job of self regulating our brothers and sisters to not be as ignorant as the others. However I believe that we should be more open to those who like me have scars but unlike me as they have deeper wounds that cause trouble with their mindset. A sense of openness and acceptance is key to closing such wounds and promoting a more peaceful and balanced world outlook.

We have a lot more pressing issues to focus on, a lot more people who would welcome a different perspective, a lot more important political, environmental, and societal changes we could make instead of worrying what group wants to raise hell over our views. Let them embarass themselves, but focusing on those dedicated to misunderstanding us is a waste of time. Now don't get me wrong, they're a plenty a Christian who actually live the tenants of their faith, and to them I am thankful. People who accept our differences with open hearts and open minds with no intention of focus blasting us into their ways. But even then, you have to work on the innards of the house before you work on the issues in the yard.

What's Our Purpose Here?

Why are we here and what is our purpose for being here? Are we made directly by the Divine to be caretakers of the Earth, accidents made from a simple celled organisms or what? Considering that we crave to have meaning in our lives, seeking out answers for everything we observe and question, its only a matter of time before this question comes up. So are we something special, a unique form of creation tasked with a specific duty? Answers range wildly depending on who you ask, but as far as I'm concerned we really aren't all that special. Every animal has their special ability of you will, birds being gifted the ability to fly thousands of miles around the planet, whales that can dive miles below to the very bottom of the ocean, even something we consider as simple as dolphins being able to communicate and hunt via sound. For us our ability (though apparently not in EVERY human) is to think. Through our highly intelligent minds we have the skills that could help benefit everyone or cause great wars that destroy and plunder our race and every other natural creation. With that of course comes with the price of being next to useless in Amy other endeavor. Were we to be out in the cold with no technology now many of us would simply die.

So with us being so specialized in our unique skill is there a special charge we hold? The answer to that is more optimistic than the previous, yes. I don't believe that just by our being here we have some special order given to is upon our inception, that's just silly to me. I do believe that with us having the near inconceivable ability to essentially destroy the planet if we choose that we have an obligation to the planet. Our obligation in my mind is to ensure that the environment- which touches every aspect of planetary life be it human or non human- is healthy and running well. With our numbers overrunning the planet on a monumental scale its only a matter of time before we stress mother earth so much that we see catastrophe encircle the globe. If we realize the damage that we do then I believe we can reverse our actions and live in better equilibrium with our home. Its hard to see the vision now, but we have a responsibility to this world, just as quick as we are to exploit it for our own gain we should seek to repair the damage that we have wrought.

I find it odd when people tell me that we somehow have a God given duty that was bestowed to us upon our creation since for one it took millions of human generations to get us to where we are now, its not as if we were plopped down and Deity said here's your instruction pamphlet. I suppose that when you put things in the context of religion that suddenly things go from precise and straight to all woobly and distorted. This isn't the case for every faith, but a fundamental truth of many, including ours to an extent. No matter the context, the fundamental question is what are we going to do with the power we have been granted. Our coming about may have been a natural thing that was destined to happen, but we are here- in mu opinion- to just live. Beyond the responsibility that is implied when you consider our power, I believe that we as a human race are here to simply live our lives however we may choose. What we do with it is purely are choice, but I can't believe that its a preordained order formulated by the power of Deity.

Think about all the trillions upon trillions of stars, planets, asteroids, and life in general. How can one be expected with the entirety of the universe that we are somehow so special? That we are somehow different and more important that more complex organisms that lay outside our interstellar observation? Sure we're capable of greatness, but how can one consider us humans so 'special' when we're ready to wage wars and kill hundreds of thousands for simple differences such who one believes in or the color of your skin? Great Gods, we can't even figure out how to take care of the poor yet we're so ready to blast rockets into space which could feed millions of needy and starving children and act like we're so important because we found one of the endless number of giant space rocks out in some outer region of space. All of the money we spend year after year to go above and beyond in things like the houses, some spending millions for rooms and property they barely go to, buying expensive purses and watches that amount to nothing but a chunk of metal and a heap of fiber, money spent to try and impress others with makeup from famous people- which are just glorifications of greed- its unbecoming of us as a race and seriously damages our right to claim greatness.

Its not a guilt trip I seek, but a revelation of how imperfect we are as people. Imperfection is good since it allows us to seek better, but if I'm to believe that my Gods designed me specially unique and better than all other creations in the universe with all of our petty flaws and skirmishes, then my Gods aren't not as great as I imagined.

Pagan Creation Theory

One of the saddest things about Wicca and general Neopaganism is that there are no set beliefs on how the universe was made. While its good to have the freedom to believe whatever you choose to, creation is one of of those vital little details that gives many of us validation as believers. Its a double edged sword in that manner, which sucks, but opens the mind of practitioners to develop their own theory of creation and expand from it. What I do in my practice is take scientific knowledge and translate it into religious ones, that way I'm keeping my own identity by using facts or current theory to explain my practices. And since I already know that I may be wrong its easy to modify the creation theory as scientists discover more about this big fat universe.

I generally attribute the beginning to Deity, the nameless, formless and genderless creation form that came before all things, within its spirit came the light, the spark that transformed the fertile depths of spiritual energy into the physical energy that burst forth to create all that is and all that will ever be. From this burst of shining light comes the Great Spirits, the overarching forms from which everything is made. Each of the four correspond to the elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water as well as the four lessons of the pentagram. Strength, love, knowledge, and will plus balance, which is of the Spirit- another name for ethereal Deity. Beyond the Great Spirits comes the six forms of the God and Goddess, creation forms that now have genders attached to them. These gender forms do not qualify in literal male or female terms to me, but are representations to energy that is either spiritual, making it of the Goddess, or energy that leans more into the physical world, making it of the God.

Of the God and Goddess comes their cyclical forms, three for each energy form. For the God there is the Lord, Father, and Elder, which represents the young, mature, and elderly forms of the God. For the Goddess there is the Maiden, Mother, and Crone, which are of course the young, mature, and ancient aspect of the Goddess. Though my descriptions of the God and Goddess make it seem as if my faith is centered around duotheism that's actually a misunderstanding. When I say 'God' or 'Goddess' I am actually talking about all divine forms, since I see all gods goddesses and their forms as being one under the single idea of the God and Goddess. From the two fundamental energies I see the two of them being under the all powerful name of Deity, which is nature, life, exixtence, the Universe.

Spiritual Upgrade

After much time wishing for an opportunity to change my humble ritual area into something more akin to my old one I finally got the chance. Yesturday I was actually able to find a piece of construction board that I can use as an altar table and a few tree trunks from my old ritual area to construct a full ritual space. There are just a few adjustments I need to make, but once a few key details are taken care of then I will be ready to consecrate the space in the name of the Divine.

I'm not going to love doing that dedication ritual being that it involves invoking all eleven core aspects of the Divine. I thought that if I'm going to take the time out to go ahead with blessing a space that it should be done with Deity in full audience. From each aspect I plan to ask for a specific thing that each aspect represents. It'll take a long time, but in the end I believe its worth it since its for the right cause. I remember the last time I did this a while back ago after I redid the elemental directions in my space, it took two and a half hours to do and was extremely exhausting physically and mentally. I had to constantly ground myself again and again and eventually was able to complete it. I expect the same thing to happen this time so hopefully my meditative skills have improved the past year or so since last I did it. Once its reblessed and I'm able to actually call my new space a blessed space I was wanting to decorate it a bit. The last time I did that my stuff was destroyed by some neighborhood idiots, which makes me iffy about doing it. A better thing in my opinion would be to engineer a type of tool that will allow me to have everything posted so high up that it would be next to impossible for any idiots to screw up my things for their own twisted enjoyment.

I pray that everything goes good, with the woods in my area being encroached upon and destroyed, its only a matter of time before I won't have an outside area dedicated to worship. I'll leave that for another post, but for now all I can do is hope and pray. As of right now everything is coming together, the board that will serve as my altar is next to the space and its support beams are nearly there as well. I just need to buy a hand saw to cut the long board in half so that it won't take up unnecessary space. Once that is complete I just need to clean up the area, widen the stone circle around it, and get to making that altar. I'm happy that I'm so close to making another one as I feel each move I'm forced to do brings out my resolve to live my religious life as I see fit. Admittedly I don't like having to constantly move, but since its something that can't be helped for the time being I may as well adapt and keep strong.

When everything comes together I will a dedicated holy site where prayers, rituals, and acts of divine worship will be more common place. Especially with the growing dark year, which is my favorite time of year, I'll be glowing amongst the darkness of the space. Illuminated by candlelight, saying prayers and worshipping the deities that gave rise to this wonderful green earth. To the skies above and earth below, green around and fire within I will honor all aspects of all creation of all the Divine.

Faith And Family

Oh happy day, guess who suddenly wants dinner with the family!? My aunt! Anyway, without getting into too much personal detail, one of my aunts wants to have dinner, and it just so happens to be after my whole conversion ritual, which means I usually where my pentagram when I go out. By itself it doesn't cause a dilemma, but since I'm the only pagan in my family and it just so happens that not everyone knows about it, damned near no one in fact, the question becomes where it or not? Well actually that's not a real question because I'm either going to wear it or I'm not going, point blank. I refuse to hide my faith as if I'm ashamed of it or as if its something bad. It'll be weird since I haven't done it at all before, but how can I truly call myself a Pagan if I can't even stand up to my family? Notice that I'm saying it in the plural form, because once she finds out it will eventually trickle down to everyone else, which doesn't matter since they dont talk to me in the first place. It'll be funny in its own twisted way, proving if blood is thicker than water in many respects. If they are truly worthy of being called family in my eyes then they will accept me, I understand with some hesitation, but if they go all out against me and trying to pressure me - which is an impossibility- then it means that in the end perhaps they don't truly wholeheartedly love me.

Yes, I know, DeShadara is being too strict, but I know them- somewhat- okay, enough to get the feeling it'll turn out almost as bad as it did when my mother first found out. Hopefully it'll all be good, but if they transform into those "friends" I had to deal with before then I'll be a-okay. I mean, we're only connected by blood, other than that we have no real connection as of the past few years. But it will be a bit nerve wracking to say the least, but something I think I must do because it should be done. I know plenty of Pagans who struggle with this decision on a daily basis, people who have stronger family binds than I will ever experience and have real concerns of becoming virtual outcasts in their own homes. Having family who either outrightly insult and degrade them or try their absolute best to pressure them to convert.

In a perfect world family would actually act like family and not like those we have to deal with in everyday life. They would love us, care about us and support us. But alas we don't, and that is something I've grown used to, so to the dinner I go pentagram hugging my neck!

The Lord Of Nature

Within my faith there are six primary deity forms that I worship, the first that I'd like to cover is that of the Lord. Unlike the traditional thought that comes with someone speaking of the Lord, it is by no means a Christian thing, but -as the title of this blog gives away- of the Lord of nature. The name serves as a title more than a name given to a specific deity because all godforms of all faiths that deal with nature and the animals are attributed to him. He is moreso the archetypal spirit that manifests to represent the many by his one form and by his one form many are represented. I say 'he' because my personal distinctions divide god forms from goddess forms, and since nature is moreso a physical thing than a spiritual then it falls under the jurisdiction of the God.

I was able to come up with these god/dess forms after much thought of the Triple Goddess aspects of Maiden, Mother, and Crone, asking why there were no Triple God aspects to balance the energies of the feminine. Once I realized this inconsistency I was able to develop a divine aspect that gave as much favor to male physical energies as much as the Goddess was. For me this was quite a mind opener, allowing me to see aspects of both the spiritual and physical and the holy natures within both. Though I could do the same with having just the Triple Goddess, I believe that by having the divine spiritual and divine physical that I'm able to fully appreciate all sides of creation no matter what they may be.

Going back to the Lord, of the Triple God aspect he is the form representing the youthful energy that bounds with the spirit of fertility and playfulness. His time is carefree and is directed primarily by will and not by any conscious effort to attain anything beyond his own sensual pleasures, making him perfect in the wild where instinct and survival are the driving g factors of animals the world around. I don't normally attribute a physical form to deities, but if I decided to do such a thing then he would be a horned deity that is crowned with a wreath of leaves and flowers to represent the wild plants and animals. His holidays are Ostara and Beltane, the time where plants begin their growth and the refreshing energy of life is present throughout the northern hemisphere. Activities used to celebrate him are exercise, sex, play, gardening, and any practice that involves the animals.

The key concept of the Lord is that of growth and experiences found through living. Nothing can be obtained through stagnation and complacency, in order for one to be on the path of being a man or woman they must drudge through the complexities inherent with being granted the gift of life. As a small tree in the forest fighting to survive we too must battle forces that seek their own gain, grabbing for the sun so that we may prosper and get what we desire in life.

Offerings To The Divine

A significant aspect of the Pagan experience involves the use of rituals and offerings in celebration and communion with Divinity. Though there are many reasons for one doing rituals, it is one of many reasons we decide to do it, and its quite an uplifting practice for all which partake. I recall my first ritual being one to celebrate the first anniversary of my conversion. It was a dedication ritual that I did on my patio after my mother left for work I believe. Now that I think back on it I laugh at how run down it was compared to what I do now, but in another five years I suppose I'll be thinking the same exact thing. My life dedication ritual was done this past October, and was the permanent conversion celebration that will stay for as long as love lasts as I said before the Divine. My offering was my dedication to them, leaving behind my old ways and fully realizing my potential to the Divine. Right now I'm still in the process of merging my spiritual self with my everyday self so that I can have such a realization and I'm making leaps and bounds so long as I stay true to my convictions.

On everyday occasions when I have a ritual to perform that doesn't have the same gravity I normally give an offering of one kind or another. Be it milk, some fruit- which is my more popular offerings, or peanuts, I always try to give something back to the Divine to show respect and my love for them. Its not a mandatory thing, but something I choose to do every now and again just to say thanks. Some have the misconception of thinking that we give offerings to please the gods lest we be cursed by them or anger them, but this isn't the case. There are some sects out there that hold this view, but in my practices and certainly when it comes to my Wiccan kin I know this isn't the case.

So what should a practitioner give as an offering? Well that depends on you to be honest. Many may say you should give this or that for whatever reason, but I favor the use of giving what you feel is right to give. Remember, its not like you'll anger any Deities by not giving them something, you don't have to give anything at all if you so choose. What truly matters is the heart and actually caring and living them for whatever reason you hold. Occasions come in my practice where I leave my offering bowl in storage and just do the ritual itself. Do I feel guilty? Nope. Do I think the Goddess would be sad? Heck no! Because she and all Divine forms know that as I enter my space and worship them that I give the most potent and powerful offering- love. It is through my love that I hold their faith and from my love that others who know me see them.

This wasn't so a few years back, when I felt complelled to give something every ritual, feeling as if they certainly would be angry with me, but slowly that outlook changed to a more light hearted feeling of laxness. However, depending in the ritual itself I may change what I give to fit the occasion. For example, I did a blessing of a creek that's near two of my ritual areas and gave an offering to the creek in the form of a stone. Its purpose was to continually bless the water and everywhere it went, for every day that the water washes the stone it flow and be blessed for an entire moon. So I believe that the creek is blessed for at least five years or so, which is great. For this past Mabon I gave offering of peanuts so that the wildlife may be fed for the coming cold, you need to be flexible with these things, lol.

When giving something up its of course important that you not break the bank. A lot of us Pagans are young and the struggle is real so minimum wage is a cruel reality for most. Don't try so hard to praise Divinity that you blow up money for food or something like that; lavish religious spending is okay, but too much of any good thing turns bad.

All in all, remember that offerings are not a mandatory thing and that you don't have to give one in order please the Gods. If you do decide to give then give from the heart and not because a site on blank.com said to, offerings you think have more potency anyway. And lastly, it not a competition, Deity is a loving force that understands our woes and our smiles, be genuine, and then you will know the Gods smoke upon your face. Okay? :)

Paganism And Polygamy

Picture Source

Polygamy itself is usually enough to give people pause, let alone putting it within the religious confines of Paganism, which for some reason is enough as it is for a lot of people. But when I think about the free love and emphasis of freedom I see many Pagans advocate, I wonder how well it would fare if put in the scope of polygamy. The practice itself is nothing new, something that is practiced the world over, though frowned upon by cultures such as American culture. The reasoning as far as I can see is because we root for monogamy, having only one partner in the mix and no one else. For many it works fine, but others see things a bit differently and are seen as promiscuous or sluts because of it. Its definately not for everyone, it takes a certain level of maturity to date more than one person; with many quickly getting jealous and accusations of favoritism, it leads to more trouble than its worth.

I put this in the realm of Pagandom and specifically nature oriented faiths because of its focus on doing things naturally and because of its views which are sometimes in conflict with "modern" society. Could polygamy become an accepted practice within the faith? Allowing people who would normally be in hiding about their sexuality to feel unrestrained in expressing their love for multiple people at once? Its a question I ask on a daily basis when considering such a thing. We already accept those who happen to be LGBT without much of an issue, hopefully this graciousness can be expanded to everyone.

I myself tried polygamy for a little while and it was weird at first, it soon became something that I actually liked. Both girls knew of course or it would be cheating and neither had an issue with it because they knew I would love them both in equal portions. The reason I wanted to try it was because I wanted to try something new and it was surely alien to me. But now that I think about it I probably will try it again sooner or later if I can find the right group of people. It takes some real open minded people to delineate from the monogomous realm and try it without thinking it gives them license to date as many people as they choose without restraint. Some groups do this, but I prefer a more restrained allowance of the amount of people I date and let others I date date. You don't just jump into it thinking you're going to get fabulous threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, and six way pleasure schemes. If that's what you're in it for then of course more power to you but be safe and make sure all your partners know.

As an eco-Pagan with strong religious conviction I feel that multiple love is something fine in my spirituality. Consider the obvious fact that few animals stay purely monogomous for the duration of their life, having many partners by the draw of their last breath. Though we as humans like to think of ourselves as different, we're simply animals that have a special ability of exceptional thought. Of course its hard to see that special ability when you consider the idiocy of politicians, companies, and citizens who think they know what's best for everyone when they don't.

It can be both a blessing as well as a curse like any relationship, for me it gave me a sense of freedom from my culture, which has so many idiotic rules in my opinion about dating, love and what to do with it. It felt good to be with people who were free thinkers and saw things radically different from the rest of society. Though now the reasons for wanting to return to the polygamous lifestyle is different from how it was years ago, experiencing freedom is what still lasts.

In any case, I'd like to thank you for reading this post and hope that it stimulated your mind to think about different forms of relationships that are different from your own. If you happen to be Pagan or any sebsect of it, I hope it opens your mind to it and has you look into the practice further so you learn more about those who follow different lifestyles. Its a big world we live in, might as well get to know the family!!

"The Devil" Doesn't Want You

I know that those interested in converting to another faith can have a excessively bad time coping with the sense of fear that comes when told of the "realities" of hell-- oh wait-- HELL! (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!!) As a former Christian I had a terrible time with converting, feeling nervous and swallowing hard every time someone so much as spoke about the devil or hell and feeling outrightly scared of someone so much as talking about what my beliefs are. That time is long behind me, but for some it may have just begun or about to as the days and weeks progress. So how does one deal with such distracting thoughts? I mean, it can be hard to uproot and destroy a belief you have been told was valid since youthhood, always being told of the horrors of hell in church, school, and by parents.

The first step would be to consult with yourself of the beliefs you were taught for so long. What proof is there of the existence of hell? Think about it, you're being taught that there is a place somewhere in an alternate reality where people are burned for believing something that goes against biblical teachings. In some traditions, if you masturbate, have sex before marriage, date someone who isn't Christian or don't baptize your baby or baptized yourself you're going to hell. I call bs on this for the simple fact that the primary reason for these rules are for control. At the end of the day that's all it is, a group of people deciding that they want things to be a certain way for whatever personal reasons they have and trying to get others to follow it. Why would you need to have a place of punishment then turn around and speak that the Christian god is somehow loving and all caring? That's like saying an abusive husband who beats his wife on a daily basis somehow loves her; you show love through action and not saying one thing but acting in another. Even the very basis of hell is shady, "the devil", who wants to corrupt your soul and make you stray from Christianity is going to then punish you for doing what he is said to want? So you do something someone wants you to do and they in turn punish you instead of rewarding you...really?

Now for those who hold true to that belief then good for them, but for those who want to think objectively about why they shouldn't fear converting if they so choose, realize the illusion being set up here. This entire issue, these characters such as the devil are things set up to retain control so people fear leaving the faith, or doing things they wish to do. In my outlook it takes away the reasoning of, "I shouldn't do something because its wrong", to, "I shouldn't do this because I don't want to go to hell." Its nothing more than the boogeyman for adults, and once you are able to see the roots of why something is there you begin to identify that it's not a real threat after all. Plus, think of all the people who claim Christianity yet do these things anyway, people who lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, beat, say the Christian gods name in vain, all that good stuff. If these so called rules hold true then a significant portion of the world is going to this imaginary place of tourture.

Question though, how would people even be able to know that "hell" exists if they didn't already die? Isn't the entire premise of hell founded upon what happens AFTER death? Unless they somehow came up with ways to resurrect the dead (a topic I'm not even going to touch in its entirety) then no one could no what happens when you die beyond going into the ground. The entire topic of the afterlife involves people choosing to belief what happens when you die. In the end no one has proof of what happens because they have no way of knowing, its just wishful thinking, and there's a difference between wishful thinking and hard reality. Reality is an unbendable thing that exists whether we choose to believe it or not. A madman may choose to believe that jumping off a building with balloons attached to him will let him fly, but at the end of the day we know the reality that he will hurt himself- its independent of mysticism and faith. So unless someone has video evidence or hard scientific evidence to prove the contrary, the entire heaven/hell concept remains something in the realm of wishful thinking and a product of pure myth. Because at the end of the day "the devil" doesn't want you because he doesn't exist.

**SIDENOTE**

Also consider the creation/destruction concept, the belief that to destroy one thing means that you create another. In simple terms you can't have pure creation with no destruction nor pure destruction without creation, one needs the other in order to be valid. For example, lets apply this to a pear. If there is nothing but destruction then already the theory of pure destruction is already invalid because were that the case then we wouldn't be here discussing it and the pear wouldn't be here in the first place. If there is nothing but pure creation then it too is already invalid because pears, like every other living thing requires energy. In this case the tree it grows on requires breaking down salts, minerals, and other simple molecules and the like to survive and make energy. Soil itself is nothing but a mass of dead, dying, and nonliving things.

Applying this to the theological realm, in Christianity the Christian God and devil are seen as noncomplimentary forces that are independent of each other. You can't say that they are a team of sorts, one creates and the other destroys, because they are seen in the Bible as spiritual forms that do not connect or relate to each other in any way beyond the savior, nemesis thought form. Now since both are not tied in any partnership format and represent pure creation and the other pure destruction then both heaven and hell, the Christian God and Devil can't exist in their preset forms and thus cannot logically exist. This already without taking into account the biblical belief that Satan, and death will one day be banished to never exist, which further strengthens the impossibility of pure creation.

Bell Cleansing Meditation

I decided that it would be a good contribution to the Pagan community if I did more than just blog about my experiences, life, and general beliefs on things and actually provided some practices that others can use. Advice is always a good thing, but why don't I mix it up a bit? Anywho, this modified meditation is something that I made up after seeing the need for me to calm down during stressful situations. Handling it in a secular sense is good to, but I found that rooting my need to remain calm and silent would work a lot better were I to root it in religion and faith practices.

To do it, you will only need a quiet place in which to meditate as well as a bell or a singing bowl. As you meditate, grounding and centering yourself first, begin focusing on clearing your mind, letting go of all things that ail a peaceful state. Having the bell or singing bowl near you, everytime you feel your mind hearkening back to a stressful emotion or thought ring the bell/bowl. As it sings its tune, will your spirit to allow the tone to go throught you and cleanse your mind of the stress factor. I normally see it as the sound breathing through me, shaking my problems away and pushing it into the ether. Do this as many times as you need to until you feel at peace and have no need to activate the voice of Air.

The point is to give your mind and thus spirit a moment to gather itself together and not have to be faced with issues. By freeing yourself from it you can make the first step in solving it by being able to gather your mind. Its something that was good for me when i needed a time out after dealing with a person that sought to harass me. After I completed this little exercise I was able to feel a heightened sense of peace and could see the situation in a totally different way. It still bothered me, but the hot fire of my rage was dampened down severely, allowing me to walk away from a situation the could've proved dire for myself and friend.

If for any reason you want to modify it, saying a chant, lighting some candles or involving other practices pleasing to you, do it. The central issue isn't how you do it, but that you're able to gain a greater well-being from letting go of ill thoughts and feelings.

Pagans And The Military

A subject that I usually shudder at since I myself am planning to enlist in the military, I sometimes wonder if it is the right place for me on a religious perspective. There are people on both sides of the field who will say that those of strong religious conviction should either go into the military or should avoid it like the plague. Being that it is about killing people and furthering its respective nation's interest, many see the military as a corrupt snake that will strike whether or not it is provoked. But should I or other Pagans go in considering its spotted history?

Considering that I can only speak for myself in such matters that is what I will do. When it comes to war and fighting the bad guys- something that I see as a subjective title depending on who is doing what- I have no qualms with it. Being that I don't follow the Wiccan Rede of Harm None, I'm not tied on any religious laws from the get go on how to treat the military. The thing that makes me hesitant is that once you enlist you are essentially the property of the government, forced to do as they wish or else. Decide to not fight a war you see as wrong and not only are you kicked out but are stigmatized by the people in some cases. It may not happen all the time, but it happens enough to where one would be justified in being worried. Being that many of us Pagans are about peace and loving their fellow man, armed services seems like the very antithesis of what it means to be Pagan. I can't forget about my brothers and sisters who are not as kumbaiyah as I am, but for those eco-Pagans I know what the deal is.

Everytime this comes up I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by Divinity and the children of their heart by doing bullet diplomacy. Sometimes war is the only option and in those cases I advocate fighting until all the stars die. In others where the line between good guy and bad guy are a lot more blurred? That's when things start getting shady... What if I fight for my country and end up being the bad guy? What if by my enlistment I open myself to being ordered to violate another country's rights? End up doing things that will haunt me for the rest of my life? I may be going into the technological field but that job field won't safeguard my ass if everything hits the floor and we start getting desperate for soldiers. Even sadder is that I have to think about situations like this, which hurt my already distrustful view of the armed forces. Were it not for the choices I made in early life I highly doubt I'd be going into the military. In my opinion you lose your sense of self, which is the point of basic training mind you, but just that it becomes a hive mentality instead of everyone being able to think for themselves. Instead you have someone else who thinks for you, makes all the decisions of who to kill without giving much feedback on who they really are as a people.

Mind you that in the cloud of war things like that become unimportant, but it highlights the issue of being desensitized to your fellow man, being more willing to kill than handle things by other means. Were I not I'm the situation I put myself in and were I giving advice to a fellow Pagan considering the military I would leave it up to them but have my personal opinion to be no, don't join. It's not all bad and it is definately an honorable path to take for those who go in for the right reasons. Its just that the setbacks military life can have on you on an emotional, psychological, and personality basis is so costly that even for religious reasons I would advocate for other routes to be taken. Even with myself I understand that there are some things the military has that I can't get anywhere else in the same intensity. The thought of soldier life is attractive to me in its own way, so I would have to adjust my reasoning as sort if a weary love relationship. I know exactly what I'm getting myself into, but feel as though I'm strong enough to combat the costs within reason. Religiously its not the best choice mind you, but something I'm willing to take part of for the right reasons.

Pagan In The Workplace

Its amazing to me that I'm finally able to call myself an employed Pagan, able to finally document my experiences in the workplace. Though nothing really shocking has happened to me, I'm happy none the less. I do however find it a bit odd being the ONLY Pagan in my entire workplace, it isn't something that I came in not knowing, afterall there primarily Christians or Muslims where I live. Not that its bad, just that I feel the usual loneliness that comes with being in a small faith where practitioners are few and far between physically speaking. Beyond that comes the usual weariness when you have people able to proudly wear their crosses, hijabs and turbans, yet you feel nervous or even scared to walk in the building wearing your pentagram. It sucks but comes with the territory, there are those who will proudly wear it without fear but I am sadly not one of those brave hearts. Lets be honest, if I were to do that I could very well be opening myself up for harassment and the normal rough and tumble bs from outsiders. Even if I didn't have to deal with that there would be the questions of why I believe what I believe, why did I leave Christianity in favor of the pagan banner, you know, the usual. Telling the reason why I left would just have them bring out the knives since my issues with Christianity would likely rouse the anger within them. Its different when I'm at school (when I went to school) where I didn't have a care in the world since I didn't give a care what others thought or said. Now I have to be careful since now we're talking about money and my livelihood, not like my mother will ever give me cash to go pick up some candles for this year's Yule or anything not Christian.

In addition, I don't want to have the horror story I had in high-school with administrators actively harassing me with little end until I left. I could easily just leave for another job, but Why kick the hornet's nest when you can safely walk past it? On occasion I have considered of walking in there donning the Seal when I didn't have work to just express my pride, but let's be real, that's kicking the nest. Perhaps that doesn't make me a good Pagan, but sometimes you have to know when to act and when to stay silence. There's a fine line between being brave and bold and being a complete idiot, for me, walking in my Christian stronghold of a workplace would create more of a headache than I want, which is why I don't even wear my crystals when I'm there.

If you think about it one could consider Muslims and how they wear the hijab post 9/11, they know the issues they would face yet they do it anyway knowing the risks. Perhaps by bending to the ignorant forces around me I'm showing cowardice to my faith and in turn disrespecting Divinity in spirit. It's an issue I've struggled with for years so please don't mind the babbling, its just that it makes me nervous thinking of this. Consider if the hive got pissed, since I work in retail and just so happen to have anger issues I'm already having issues. But no, let me tell you how bad it is for me on a pride basis. I'm a five year highly prideful Pagan that has to work in a 'Christian' stronghold in the retail industry who happens to distrust Christianity (because of my plethora of bad experiences) and happens to have anger issues--oh frigging joy, lol. With my share of bad experiences I have no issue invalidating any militant Christians I happen to find along the way, but doing that would mean putting my job at risk because of the ignorant piece a pies that shop where I work. And since the customer is always right [wrong] I must endure hiding in the shadows for now..

To compensate that obvious fact I've taken into consideration just having a small pentagram charm to wear on my person. The point of faith is not to show it to the world but to be one with it and at peace, so that is something I'm certainly going to try. To have the Seal (I'll explain why I capitalize it in a later post) on me so I can touch it, feel it and be at peace when in contact with it. I'm currently trying to merge my spiritual self with my everyday self so it could be a great second step (the first being me wearing my pentagram in public when not at work). Being that I love wearing jewelry such as necklaces I'll probably wear it as a simple bracelet to attatch to my belt loop and touch when I need a reminder of my blessings from the Divine. It'll help, and I already have in mind what to order so that I can do it safely and without issue.

If I'm somehow found out, which isn't hard so long as someone decides to research the days that I take off work, I won't fret, not as if I'm blasting my faith to the world (Actually I am since I do have this faith blog of mine, lol). Whatever happens happens, I'll just keep my head up, keep my faith, and walk proudly on my Pagan path.

Pagan Fundamentalism

Its only a matter of time before people of the faith begin to divide themselves further than they already have in the past generations. One thing that always struck a chord with me pertains to the rise of fundamentalism seen in every faith; those who wish to go back to the roots of their faith and in some ways resist the modern perception and teachings of it. All in all it can be good, but as we see on a weekly basis on the news, it can lead to destructive change that can seriously slander a faith [Afghanistan War]. So as it concerns Paganism, could this change to ecological conservatism be a good or bad thing?

**Note: I realize that not all of Pagan teaching deals with the environment, its simply that specific aspect of covering now.**

Think about if there were people protesting the construction of Wal*Mart, or pressuring local officials to slow down the development of condominiums in a neighborhood, all in the name of the environment. I would personally applaud such things being that I grew up in a state known more for its rural pleasantries opposed to bustling city buzz. Shooting off from development and expanding into everyday life, imagine where there was a large religious movement within industrial nation concerning global warming, use of animals in pharmaceuticals, etc? In my mind it would be an oh so grand occurance, but should this happen? Lets not forget the fact that many of our nature based beliefs steer away from economic development. Use of oil and gas (global warming), further building of industry and modern housing complexes (deforestation), ""modern"" (heavy quotes intentional) farming (water, soil, food pollution-pesticide use-) In many ways we are quite decentralists and would be the bane of those who promote current economic trends and ventures.

This isn't even bad because as far as I can tell its something that allows for a conversation on the very fabric of what our economy is based upon and asks that it be more health-concious. The way many of our nations do business is killing everyone on this little marble and we're only provided one planet that we can't even care for. We as a faith may care for it, but I feel that many of us, including me, do so little to protect it that its essentially a slap in the face of nature. I understand that they're many things holding us back and that none of us eco-Pagans don't want to harm the planet as we do now, but something has got to give. The sentiment is nice and much appreciated by the Mother but we should back it up with action. I don't mean that we become militant but that we realize the roots of the faith we have and do something. This hails back to Pagan fundamentalism because I feel as if many of us who are in large part young folks with little money to speak of are primarily talk with little action. If it comes to posting about saving the environment on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube or Instagram we're all for it, but when the calling comes I feel that many of us grow silent for our own reasons.

They're plenty of us who are under the radar for example and have little if any hopes of fully showing who we are faith wise, some live under the threat of homelessness if they were revealed or being ostracized by their family. I understand this, but for those who don't live under this sword the reasons for inaction become inexcusable and contrary to their faith. Anyone can call hypocrite on me saying how I'm doing nothing, but I have plans of getting into government to change things myself with the help of the people. The reasons for it are religious and secular and quite time consuming, but I have a video here that explains my plans for changing the way we do things as a nation. Right now I believe we are modern eco-Pagans, off shoots that are just as valid as those who are more outspoken and committed in their faith but without the aspect that allows us to be more heard from an ecological and economical standpoint. I admit I could always be wrong, but for now that is my thought.

Our way of thinking in the political/religious realm could change our respective countries for the better if we were to rise up and start fighting tlfor the change that we want to see in the world. It could also be tragic if it is taken too far and could hinder millions and slander our name if not used with a heaping helping of balance and knowledge to keep is in check. Us being children of the technological age restricts and helps us in many ways if we would just stand up and fight and not lie down. It takes a hint of militarism, but not the violent kind we see some dedicants practicing, but a peaceful one that shines a mirror in the face of those who would debate otherwise. I believe that the best way for us to get on the pedestal is to be peaceful protestors and not the zealots we see everyday by circus news stations that promote faux news.

Acting soon, swiftly, and with plenty of sense could win us and the Mother and Father plenty if we just rake the helm before us and start marching in the name of the Divine.

Radical Pagans?

Every religion has its fundamental fanatics that want to revert back to the core tenets of their faith, stripping away the mainstream face they put on to gain acceptance by society. I often wonder about the radical Pagans who are around us and when they will have a large enough following to gain traction. Think about it, you have those who rail against abortion, those who rail against contraceptives, and people who detest those who happen to be Muslim (or any faith not of theirs for that matter). How long until we see those who advocate for having a zero emission, zero pollution footprint? Pagans who denounce those who live the modern urban lifestyle with buses and trains?

Is it something I expect to see anytime near soon? No, but think about these radical nature conservationists that want us to all be vegan, not ride a single gasoline running engine or people who would kill a logger if they ever saw one. Its not that farfetched in my opinion, just a coming eventuality that we moderates will have to deal with sooner or later. The elements are there, it just hasn't hardened into a brute force yet…yet.

So beyond organizations such as PETA, ALF (animal liberation front), or even radical feminists (which have nothing to do with radical ecological groups, but are a present force within some Pagan circles), what should be done to ensure the pagan name isn't dirtied even further? In my opinion, nothing can be done, to me every faith has its lows and highs, at first -in some cases- starting to be very peaceful and loving and then a sect rises to destabilize what they may see as a corrupt way of doing things. Whether it be the religion the radicals want to change or a more upfront militant approach to soceity in general there's little we can do to stop it. I feel that one way is by living as good examples of what it means to be Pagan. Letting us and others around us live in a way where we aren't trying to force our beliefs down others' throats but trying to be more understanding to 'outsiders'. To want ecological change but do it in a way that considers human wants and needs, it can't be one sided.

By doing that as well as show others how peaceful we are in both a general and secular sense will people grow fond of us and know the true face of Paganism. Once the radicals make their destined debut then people who know us will know that they're their own group, separated from the heart of Paganism in a general sense.

My Faith Gives Me Strength

If someone needs faith to stop them from doing wrong then something is wrong with the person, not the faith.

I know that something is wrong with me, I understand that my faith and desire to not get in trouble are the only things stopping me from snapping. Exploding in anger and making my life swirl down the drain, never to be the same. My faith has been my only company on many occasions, the only thing holding me when I cry, comforting me when I feel the most alone. Even now, with yet another unnecessary and idiotic stress load being thrust upon me I feel wishing that the Dark Gods would take me into the cloak of their darkness. It is a mechanism that has always been a part of me. Things go horribly wrong and I look unto the pit of the darkness, not as a way to get away, but in wonderment as what could lie within. Nothing but nonexistence, my energy being used so that I may be reborn as whatever is required by the Earth Goddess as she slumbers.

I sometimes believe that I will soon be like one of those ultradevout Christians that always talk about their faith in one way or another when you speak to them. Not the ones that are constantly trying to convert you, but the ones who are so in tune with their faith that they're inseparable from it. I've been through so much emotionally speaking that taking me from paganism will result in me clutching onto it with a death grip. I wonder though, were I not made aware of paganism and was just alone without faith, friends, love, or anyone to make me feel good for myself, would I be here? I don't think I would be, even now I peer over the edge into the ether, so without faith I may decide to take the plunge. A depressed soul I know I am, but I need meaning to give me identity. For now I identify heavily with paganism, but I want more, this is one of many reasons why I want to be in the military.

As odd as it may be that a pagan is deciding to take part in the military A blog post that I need to make anyway its something that I feel I need right now to give me some form of happiness. I thought that simply getting a job would help, but extenuating circumstances of course crushed that. But looking to sadness never helps relieve the pain I've felt for so long, I'm robbing myself of happiness. But how can you look to find happiness when the land around you is dead and without sunshine?

Ugh, but I'm rambling now, seeing the pool of dread next to me and trying to drown myself in it for some sense of relief.

So at the end of the day will I decide to call upon the darkness to sweep me up and take me away from this world? No, I won't commit suicide, I'm too chicken to do it anyway, my will to live outweighs the desire for peace and eternal slumber. Though they're plenty if times where I wish I were dead, I can't do it myself.

One day I may be happy, and even if I'm not and destined to be sad and angry, I'll always have the Death God waiting for me with open arms...

Rise Of The Dark Gods

Just went through two rituals within the past two weeks and already I have to worry about Samhain?? Goodness, the Gods are working hard this dark year!

In any case, in a little under three weeks and a day I will be celebrating Samhain, the day where the darkness, life, and death are celebrated. For my stand alone tradition it is also the time where the Dark Gods are honored. In Mabon they were given form, a duality with next to no strength representing the two primary energies of the upcoming season, death and darkness. The Night Goddess taking her place upon the throne of the sky, the seat where the Sun God once reigned during his heyday in the light year. The Death God being the active force that responds in concert with the waning light, smiting all that do not have the strength to resist.

Even for those that have the strength to live they are plunged into the cold grip of the duality, learning the lessons that come with being blanketed with a black veil. With the freeze they learn to be thankful for their possessions, with the warmth they are thankful for the home, the family that they have and the peace that they give. As they enjoy the secularized religious holidays they are appreciative of the hard work and dedication it takes to be prosperous. It is a time where I personally enjoy my life and reflect on its progression up until now. To honor the roots of my existence and pay reverance to those who came before and shaped the very foundation of my existence. It is also a time to embrace the darkness and plunge in the cold, developing a new practice and sense of identity through the hard lessons taught. To not only look at darker aspects of the faith and of nature, but to accept and implement them in future practices.

For me Samhain is not The Witch's New Year as it is for many other witches, Wiccans, and Pagans, it is yet another holiday like any other. For me, the new year comes during Ostara, the vernal equinox, which is the first of Spring. I believe this because it is the time after the cold where the foundation of rest and spirituality is at its highest. From the groundwork laid in the dark half the light signals the rise of a new time and place within life, the arrival of warmth. Its just like when autumn trees drop their leaves to the cold, fertilizing the ground around them as they hot a low period in their life, hibernate in many ways. So it reflects that, rising from a low physical growth to blossom forth from the ground.

I don't have the ritual itself made, but it is something I'm going to work on over the next few days. Each holiday as new energies are brought forth I try to hit on a key aspect of that holiday. Last year I was unable to celebrate, the year before it was an honoring of the ancestors, so this year will most likely be of appreciation. Not situated around the past, but appreciation of what I have now and also relying heavily on giving honor to the Dark Gods. Though their lessons are usually hard lessons when compared to the light of the Light Gods, its still one piece of the puzzle of life. No one can get a better grasp on the vastness of life if they restrict themselves to only the positive or negative. Being fluid and opening myself up to all lessons is the best way I see of being a true practioner of nature.

I hope that all you who practice Samhain or any holiday related to its concepts have a joyous time and are blessed in every way.

Dealing With Fundies

Ah fundies, my favorite type of 'Christian', what all can I say about them? Bigot? Militant false prophets of their faith? People who claim to be of their Lord yet betray his teachings of love and compassion for all? All these adjectives and more can be used to describe their ignorance and seeming hatred of other faiths. Missionaries are just as bad, even worse considering that they outrightly try to get others to change their faith in place of Christianity. Though I detest them with a passion, I must admit that sometimes its hard to help my delight when one decides to come to me. Though it doesn't happen on a daily basis, I'm certain that it will now with me donning my pentagram in full public view.

First, let me discuss fundies in the public sphere then I'll get serious by talking about how to deal with them when they're in your own family. But let's have some fun first!

What puts the fun in fundies? Well, the nonabbreviated form is fundamentalists, which are Christians that hold to the very roots of Christianity. The fun part for me are their worthless attempts to get me to convert. Like, after FIVE years of being Pagan you honestly believe that you can get me to change my faith with a snap of your fingers?? I laugh at that, and every attempt they actually make...how sad.

In any case, it hasn't always been fun, I recall several attmepts I made to try and get some facebook Christian groups to understand who we were and to try and foster peace. This was back when I thought it could actually work, now I just leave it alone, but it ended terribly. Horrible arguments and outrageous claims of me being of 'satan' and trying to spread his teachings were shouted from the rooftops. Eventually and reluctantly I left, understanding that perhaps my efforts of understanding were as fruitless as their hopes to convert me. I've even had a special ex-best friend try to convert me, it was a long argument, but in the end we stopped talking. This is why I say to others to not show their faith publically unless they know they can take the issues that will inevitably arise because of it. It can get tiring, but over time your skin thickens and your resolve to be at peace with yourself becomes impenetrable.

So let's say that your in a mall shopping with friends, you're all wearing your various pagan symbols when a fundies dares to come to you guys talking about his God's disapproval of your actions. The usual response is to just pass him off, which works for the most part unless you have one of those persistent types. Now if all else fails get help, but if the situation isn't that dire and you don't feel threatened, it can be tempting to start having fun with him. I'm no authority to Paganism in any respect except when it comes to my own spirituality and actions, but its not always good to be condescending to the butt. Think about it, you're in a public sphere with dozens of people watching the interaction. Do you really want to be an ass to him and risk the surrounding crowd to have a negative impression of Pagans? Its your choice in the end, but at least think about the negative impact your actions can have when they see another Pagan somewhere down the road.

Unfortunately people generalize that way, taking the actions of one to be the actions of all. Think about how Muslims are treated in This country by a lot of citizens just because they are grouped With the false Muslims who perpetrated 9/11. The same is true when talking about a faith such as paganism, fundies especially looking at our beliefs and practices and deeming them the work of the devil. They are blinded by their own biases and ignorance and let it determine how they interact with others. This same ignorance is apparent in secular society when you have a faith that is generally misunderstood and misrepresented in America. So while it may be tempting not to, try to be as positive as you can maintain, that way you and others around you get a positive impression of you in a secular and religious sense. Hard it is, bit try you must.

It can be especially hard if you have people in your family who are fundies, while I haven't gone through that experience, I can only imagine how hurtful it can be. Felling as if you have to hide your identity, be faced with isolation or outrightly being disowned by them. I can only guess if this is the prime reason why some within our ranks have a searing hate for Christians and the faith itself. You can't blame them, even if it isn't conducive to bring the better men and women of the bunch. My own experience revolves around the aftermath of my own mother discovering that I 'secretly' left Christianity for atheism, then agnosticism, then into Wicca. Having to deal with the constant room searches, confiscation of religious materials, and near endless insults to my faith and gods led to me outrightly hating Christianity and her specifically.

As with everything I've been forced into, I dealt with it, though my knives against Christianity are still there, hidden. The best thing you can do is have hope in yourself as well as in your family. Mine eventually calmed down, partly due to constantly being reminded of it when they see me and me not caring what was thought of me when I started wearing my spiritually themed necklaces. Other parent(s) may not require this degree of I-don't-give-a-fuckedness, but it depends on your degree of bravery and how you know your parents to be. Sometimes love is the best option, to always kill then with kindness in the face of their cruelty. In my case I didn't give a damn what she (my mother) thought about me since we have a near nonexistent relationship.

Fundies can be fun, sometimes they can be very destructive to your own self confidence, but in the end do what makes you happy. Always have a positive outlook and always be true to yourself no matter who may be on the other end trying to push you to leave your faith.

The Ceremony Is Complete!

As of the morning of October 8th 2013 I, DeShadara, can call myself a full fledged Pagan! It was a wild ride getting up to this point, alot of stress and happiness, but it was well worth it in the end. The jist of the ritual was to give myself as well as Divinity an oath as to who I will be in a secular and religious sense from now on. To light each of the elemental candles formed in a pentagram to signify each truth of each element. At the end of this I, extremely happy and gushing with honor, picked up the silver pentagram necklace in the picture and declared myself a full follower of nature.

After it ended I was still shining with joy, my new necklace clanging as it moved over the beads. No longer would I hide who I am, sacrificing my own selfless gratifications just so that others may feel their selfish ones. Not wearing religious symbols so I or others I chill with won't feel 'out of place'. If I choose I will where it wherever and whenever I want, no if ands or buts about it. Its terrible that young people like ne feel the pressure to conform to the mainstream way of thinking, yet those who are of the more popular faiths feel as if its a-okay to wear their crosses. My faith is just as valid, and along with the strength I swore to hold true to, I will uphold the other four oaths I chose to abide by as well.

Now with this development comes the task of learning as much as I can. With me now having a job, I can access more information such as books since internet connection and Pagan oriented books at the library are nonexistent right now. There are plenty of different things for me to read up on, tarot, history of Paganism, different aspects, the works. Can't bite off more than I can chew, so I'll take everything one step at a time. For now I remain ecstatic at the big move I made today. May it remain in my heart for as long as I live.

Day Before The Oath

In a little under twenty-four hours I will present myself to Deity and will fully dedicate to the Pagan faith. Its odd how close it is, seemed like it was a long tine coming, a plan in the works since earlier this year. Now look at me, twenty years old and finally about to wear the pentagram in full public view. I'm so proud of myself…oh so proud.

Of course there was already a time when I wore the pentagram in public, back when I was a senior in high-school. The difference between then and now is that I will be wearing it just about everywhere I go, including having it in public display at home. Were I living on my own then this would be okay, but with a high opinionated mother I have to live with, this complicates things. Whether or not it causes issues isn't my problem, I'm more than old enough to make my in religious decisions and no matter what I will express my spirituality. The question is why now?

Well, I feel like now is a perfect time to solidify my faith because of all the tike I spent within it, getting to know the people, beliefs and settling myself within the tradition period. I feel like as I've grown as a person and a man that this Pagan path is right for me, comforting me through my tears and strengthening me when I'm weak. Though I haven't shopped or experimented with other faiths the past five years of my life, I feel in my heart that this is the right thing for me to do.

This decision will change some things, especially on how I'm percieved publically. Being in a primarily Christian county already means that there's a high likelihood that I will get nagative reactions from people who may recognize the symbol's modern day usage. Gasps, the shuffling away of children, perhaps even a talking to by braver individuals are just a few things that I expect. Do I care? For the most part, no, though I can't deny that there's a part of me that will always care about that sort of thing. I won't let that deter me or my freedom of self-expression though. You can't cater to everyone's thought without eventually having them live their life through you. Even with my mother being how she is, in the end I have to let myself be happy; and if arguments arise then so be it.

Beyond the personal level, wearing the pentagram will allow religious outreach to those who may be unaware or interested in what it means. I may even be lucky enough to encounter another Pagan, which would be fantastic. By assuming the position as relgious public relations for my personal faith, it allows people who ordinarily wouldn't encounter us to be left with a good impression of Paganism. Besides the fact that plenty wouldn't be able to see me beyond their religious convictions, at least I can plant the seed of interest in their minds. And over time they may even look back to my appearance, attitude and dialogue to reference how others like ne may act, especially if this is their first such encounter.

I hope tomorrow and beyond are full of blessings for me to reap, so close, yet it seems so far away...

Pagans After Dark

In the vast world of Pagandom you have many sides, there are those who embrace the magic(k) and occult, and those who walk with the cycles of nature. Just the same there are those who walk in the light of the day, singing of the warmth, and those who dwell within the shadows and celebrate the cold darkness of the world.

This is not some game that many outsiders and a few converts like to believe, nor is it a fashion statement to make to scare your impressionable friends; the way of the Pagan has many different sections and rooms people dwell in. For some it is a permanent habitation within the glorious light of all that is good and loving, others may grow bored with the gifts of the Sun and partake in new ventures. Whether they be called 'Dark Pagans', or some other label, those who celebrate and embrace both the good and bad are just as pagan as white-lighters (i.e. people who focus on goodness, not meant as a derogatory term.)

I believe that knowing both parts of the coin is a good way to maintain a balance, dipping your toes in both ends of the pool. I once had the mistake of frowning upon those who practice 'darker' aspects of Paganism. Those who weren't about revering the Gods or celebrating it's cycles, but were into the occult and practices more esoteric in nature. Now it doesn't phase me, to each there own, but it shows the evolution one can go through if they allow the process of change to morph them into a higher being. To be more open minded of practices and systems that contradict the practitioner's. My erroneous flaw during the early years of my conversion was that I was so swept in by the brightened sun crowd, so dazzled by the light and love that the darkness became nonexistent to me.

At the time it was something that I needed, with family issues heaping and me feeling abandoned on the religious front I needed to feel love, so that's what I dove in to. Once I drifted to the other end of the spectrum, having a more balanced spirituality this time, did my vision begin to change. Topics such as death, the afterlife, the Dark Gods that take over during the set of Mabon, and esoteric practices became an interest of mine. Currently, I'm at the doorstep of the blackened halls, but soon I will step through and encounter the lessons I must learn to truly call myself a practitioner of nature.

So with all of this talk about the darkness, why should anyone who currently occupies the lighted world take any interest? Well, for one, its not a path for everyone. Just as there are some sports some are very good at by nature and people who are terrible with sports, its not for everyone. In my belief, dwelling in the other side can be of benefit because it gives new vision to the person who does it. It gives realization that not everything is what it seems, breaking the illusion and muting the blinding glare that decieves one's perceptions. Issues that have been buried away with hopes of never being rediscovered are dug up and forced in your face. You must dive deep into your soul to face your demons and return with them gone.

On a religious level you diversify your practice and see another side that you wouldn't have encountered had you not left the verdent fields of bliss. At first it may be disarming and quite bothersome, but as you grow accustomed to the aspects of Deity that can be quite cold and scornful, you are made stronger. You quickly begin to gain the wisdom of a practitioner walking in the twilight, not being perfectly split between both worlds, but dwelling in both their glory.

Five Lessons Of The Pentagram

The pentagram has many different meanings depending on what religion you belong to as well as where you live. For some it represents evil, others protection, divination, magic(k), or a load of other things. But what does it mean to me? Well, being that I came to know the star through Wicca, my outlook of it tends to be spiritually centered. But being that I feel as if I'm on a different level than was when I was a convert, I think my thoughts on it has improved.

At first it represented the five elements, earth, air, fire, and water, the five building blocks and Spirits that gave rise to the world (world meaning universe in my jargon). To me they have another representation, the five key values of a Pagan; strength, love, knowledge, will, and balance. Each of these values correspond to the elements of earth, water, air, fire, and spirit respectively. As I wear my pentagram necklace with pride, I know that no matter what I'm faced with, that I will exercise these important concepts so that I will remain strong and be the better man, no matter the ignorance.

People could learn a lot from what the pentagram teaches if they simply opened their mind to learn its lessons. Its a lot like nature, if people were to stop demonizing and exploiting its resources as well as its earthly attributes and just opened to its functions we would be a lot better off. The pentagram itself doesn't belong to any one faith, but is a symbol that could mean anything a person or group decides to make it mean. The applied associations don't stay with it, but is a morphing thing that sheds and reworks things applied to it.

Let's consider something as simple as its placement, a topic that brings much debate as to its fixed meaning. For one camp in represents general evil in the sense that when one point face up means the spiritual over the senses while the other is the senses over the mind. For some this is true so its true to them where others see it as representing Satanism or darkness, banishment, a degree of Wiccan clergy, the list could go on frankly. But now you see that how with each individual and group the associations vary wildly on the "good-evil" scale.

With me I see things, not surprisingly, in a different context. While I concede that the pentagram whether inverted or everted could mean the previous list of things could also represent the balance of the elements. When its a single point up it could mean the elements arising from spirit, the force that expanded from a singular sphere to create all that is and will ever be. If they're two points up then to me it shows spirit arising from the four base associations. Both are actually true, But it proves how something as simple as a group of lines and your outlook could have a dramatic effect on how a symbol is percieved.

Holy In The Mundane

"When we seal the circle and the energy within, we create a different realm, a plane of existence set apart from the hustle and bustle of daily life. A new place is created, a place where the divine God and Goddess are called."

But is that really necessary?

The one issue that I have with the italicized statement is that it implies, whether explicitly or not, that one can only invoke the divine after setting apart a space made especially for them. Its not a mandate, but for the unassuming practitioner this creates a thoughtform that says that the mundane is somehow an unacceptable place to call upon Deity. One must realize that if the Divine is intricately involved in the formation and workings if the divine then that means all things be they considered mundane or holy is part of them. Everything exists for a reason and since that is the case then all things given rise should be respected.

Let's consider one of the most mundane things we look at, getting up in the morning and going to work. This process involves us having the biological capacity to wake up, get out of bed, eat breakfast, get washed up, and heading to work. Its so repetitious, yet we take it for granted, yet how would we feel if for a month we suddenly didn't have the ability to do any of that? Well, then we would be reminiscing the times where we had the efficiency to do such "mundane" tasks. We forget that its only mundane until we can't do it anymore.

When you do rituals in whatever form you do them have you ever considered doing a ritual without the cleansing? Going on keeping on without sealing the circle? If not, why not? Did you think it would open you up to harm or allow your life, your Deity/ies to feel unwanted, dishonored in some way? Think about the root reason you do cleansings and separations between holy and mundane, because you believe it will shield you from a negative event; or to essentially divorce from this world to create one that's "better suited" to the Divine's invocation.

My point is that many (though certainly not all) of us as practitioners are so concerned about creating a "better space" that we ignore the beauty of what is already laid out in front of us. We essentially leave behind the physical attributes and blessings of the Earth Spirit (however you may see it) and ascend into more ethereal, psychological realms instead of blending the two as one practice. Instead of acknowledging the protection we already have access to within our lovely minds by the Great Spirit in whatever form, we perform extra rituals and actions to seek removal into a different place entirely.

Its easy to see things as mundane when you have access to it nearly all the time, but to a blind man being given sight for the first time, the forest is a sacred space just by it existing. For each person in their own way of life they see things in a totally different spectrum. Take the time to get to know this mundane world that we so constantly name it. See how as you practice and become better attuned to the cycles and rhythms of nature how every aspect of it also seeks to know you better.

For at least one time, do a ritual without sealing the circle or cleansing the space, walk into it knowing that your God(s) or lack there of protect you with the shining light and mysterious darkness that gives all who wish you wrong fear in their heart. Your power is within you, know it, take it, and shape your spirituality how you will it. Always know that the Divine will always be with you and love you every step of the way no matter how you call them.