Oh happy day, guess who suddenly wants dinner with the family!? My aunt! Anyway, without getting into too much personal detail, one of my aunts wants to have dinner, and it just so happens to be after my whole conversion ritual, which means I usually where my pentagram when I go out. By itself it doesn't cause a dilemma, but since I'm the only pagan in my family and it just so happens that not everyone knows about it, damned near no one in fact, the question becomes where it or not? Well actually that's not a real question because I'm either going to wear it or I'm not going, point blank. I refuse to hide my faith as if I'm ashamed of it or as if its something bad. It'll be weird since I haven't done it at all before, but how can I truly call myself a Pagan if I can't even stand up to my family? Notice that I'm saying it in the plural form, because once she finds out it will eventually trickle down to everyone else, which doesn't matter since they dont talk to me in the first place. It'll be funny in its own twisted way, proving if blood is thicker than water in many respects. If they are truly worthy of being called family in my eyes then they will accept me, I understand with some hesitation, but if they go all out against me and trying to pressure me - which is an impossibility- then it means that in the end perhaps they don't truly wholeheartedly love me.
Yes, I know, DeShadara is being too strict, but I know them- somewhat- okay, enough to get the feeling it'll turn out almost as bad as it did when my mother first found out. Hopefully it'll all be good, but if they transform into those "friends" I had to deal with before then I'll be a-okay. I mean, we're only connected by blood, other than that we have no real connection as of the past few years. But it will be a bit nerve wracking to say the least, but something I think I must do because it should be done. I know plenty of Pagans who struggle with this decision on a daily basis, people who have stronger family binds than I will ever experience and have real concerns of becoming virtual outcasts in their own homes. Having family who either outrightly insult and degrade them or try their absolute best to pressure them to convert.
In a perfect world family would actually act like family and not like those we have to deal with in everyday life. They would love us, care about us and support us. But alas we don't, and that is something I've grown used to, so to the dinner I go pentagram hugging my neck!
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